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VICTORIA Hannah Kirsten051093
Catholic Junior College
life.sandprints@hotmail.com
Paranoid
Tuesday, March 31, 2009 , 10:15:00 PM
↑
A silent heart left in the dark. , 11:46:00 AM ↑
Mess Monday, March 30, 2009 , 12:43:00 AM ↑
Melodies Friday, March 27, 2009 , 11:40:00 PM ↑
mini Wednesday, March 25, 2009 , 10:53:00 PM ↑
Update , 6:48:00 PM ↑
Brief , 12:01:00 AM ↑
hmmm Thursday, March 19, 2009 , 7:43:00 PM ↑
Heartache Wednesday, March 18, 2009 , 10:28:00 PM ↑
The Notebook , 12:18:00 AM ↑
love Monday, March 16, 2009 , 12:31:00 AM ↑
Thinking Saturday, March 14, 2009 , 11:55:00 PM ↑
Wondering. Friday, March 13, 2009 , 11:21:00 PM ↑
30-hour fast Sunday, March 8, 2009 , 10:29:00 PM ↑
3 Bananas Friday, March 6, 2009 , 11:24:00 PM ↑
clubhouse Monday, March 2, 2009 , 11:17:00 PM ↑
Weekending , 12:03:00 AM ↑
Ok. I am officially paranoid.
Damnit. I gotta stop this.
Damnit. I gotta stop this.
Labels: life
A silent heart left in the dark. , 11:46:00 AM ↑
For two whole days.
I get nothing. Nothing.
I don't know if I'm supposed to take it as a hint.
Honestly, I don't want to.
because if it's a hint, and its true,
and what you said, is what you did,
then I don't know what's going to happen to me.
I can't bring myself to ignore you completely.
And even if I do, people are going to ask why.
Because as far as they know, I'm the only one that
doesn't have a problem with you so far,
so if I start ignoring you, they'll know something
major happened. And do you want me to tell them?
Do you? I don't really think you want me to.
But, I could, and you could be ruined forever.
This is considering what you said is what you did.
But I pray to God that it isn't like that.
Because, I will not only freak out,
I'll break down.
And I probably won't forgive you ever.
I feel like an idiot now.
I get nothing. Nothing.
I don't know if I'm supposed to take it as a hint.
Honestly, I don't want to.
because if it's a hint, and its true,
and what you said, is what you did,
then I don't know what's going to happen to me.
I can't bring myself to ignore you completely.
And even if I do, people are going to ask why.
Because as far as they know, I'm the only one that
doesn't have a problem with you so far,
so if I start ignoring you, they'll know something
major happened. And do you want me to tell them?
Do you? I don't really think you want me to.
But, I could, and you could be ruined forever.
This is considering what you said is what you did.
But I pray to God that it isn't like that.
Because, I will not only freak out,
I'll break down.
And I probably won't forgive you ever.
I feel like an idiot now.
Labels: life.
Mess Monday, March 30, 2009 , 12:43:00 AM ↑
I don't know what you're thinking.
And I'm thinking, that maybe I don't want to.
And I'm confused.
And I don't like being confused.
It makes things complicated,
it messes up my brain.
Makes me think unnecessarily.
Makes me stressed, makes me depressed.
Argh. I hate you.
And I'm thinking, that maybe I don't want to.
And I'm confused.
And I don't like being confused.
It makes things complicated,
it messes up my brain.
Makes me think unnecessarily.
Makes me stressed, makes me depressed.
Argh. I hate you.
Labels: life
Melodies Friday, March 27, 2009 , 11:40:00 PM ↑
I can't think but to regret for not doing more.
A placating charade only for a false reassurance.
Once and twice a slip or else a secret kept.
A placating charade only for a false reassurance.
Once and twice a slip or else a secret kept.
mini Wednesday, March 25, 2009 , 10:53:00 PM ↑
I'm shopping! HAHA.
Or Liana's helping me to anyway.
I'm gonna buy two dresses.
For $51 in total. Brilliant. :D
Anyway, I wanna go shopping on saturday.
I want a pair of shoes.
Heels. really high ones.
Hmm. I forgot to eat lunch today.
I ate nothing in between breakfast and dinner.
And I didn't even feel hungry.
Must be because I ate too much the past
two days. My mum asked me if I was a camel.
Hmmm. Wonder if I'll be hungry tomorrow.
I feel like eating half of my total portion from now on.
Sigh, there's training tomorrow.
Sighh.
Or Liana's helping me to anyway.
I'm gonna buy two dresses.
For $51 in total. Brilliant. :D
Anyway, I wanna go shopping on saturday.
I want a pair of shoes.
Heels. really high ones.
Hmm. I forgot to eat lunch today.
I ate nothing in between breakfast and dinner.
And I didn't even feel hungry.
Must be because I ate too much the past
two days. My mum asked me if I was a camel.
Hmmm. Wonder if I'll be hungry tomorrow.
I feel like eating half of my total portion from now on.
Sigh, there's training tomorrow.
Sighh.
Labels: life
Update , 6:48:00 PM ↑
CTs ended today.
If I pass everything, it'll be good.
At least I know I'm getting somewhere.
After school I went to RJC for "tuition".
Yeah, this ex-crescentian, Stephanie is
tutoring me in physics.
It's kinda useful cos it narrows down the
stuff that I need to ask teachers.
And she explains stuff pretty well.
I found out that I don't know a lot of things.
And she told me a lot of stuff that made
a lot of things make sense. A lot of stuff
that I should have known a year ago.
Yeah, we're still on sec3 topics so far.
RJC is huge. But it's everything looks really cool.
Their houses are the RI and RGS ones
combined so each house is two words long.
That's pretty cool.
We were sitting in the RI part cos there were
less people. And the RI NP was having training.
Lol, if my cadets drills were like that, they'd be dead.
But kinda interesting to see how they conduct.
They can do rifle drills in their PT kit.
Which is just t-shirt and shorts.
And they were doing crunches and pumping in
the rain. Really interesting.
Anyway. I'm still sick. My voice is really terrible.
And I'm still talking so much.
It'll be worse tomorrow, cos I got training.
I can't even command. LOL. Edlyn's gonna
kill me. I wanna eat that Kinder Beuno
which is waiting for me in that fridge.
Damn. But it'd kill my throat so I can't.
When you start believing that your fantasies are true.
If I pass everything, it'll be good.
At least I know I'm getting somewhere.
After school I went to RJC for "tuition".
Yeah, this ex-crescentian, Stephanie is
tutoring me in physics.
It's kinda useful cos it narrows down the
stuff that I need to ask teachers.
And she explains stuff pretty well.
I found out that I don't know a lot of things.
And she told me a lot of stuff that made
a lot of things make sense. A lot of stuff
that I should have known a year ago.
Yeah, we're still on sec3 topics so far.
RJC is huge. But it's everything looks really cool.
Their houses are the RI and RGS ones
combined so each house is two words long.
That's pretty cool.
We were sitting in the RI part cos there were
less people. And the RI NP was having training.
Lol, if my cadets drills were like that, they'd be dead.
But kinda interesting to see how they conduct.
They can do rifle drills in their PT kit.
Which is just t-shirt and shorts.
And they were doing crunches and pumping in
the rain. Really interesting.
Anyway. I'm still sick. My voice is really terrible.
And I'm still talking so much.
It'll be worse tomorrow, cos I got training.
I can't even command. LOL. Edlyn's gonna
kill me. I wanna eat that Kinder Beuno
which is waiting for me in that fridge.
Damn. But it'd kill my throat so I can't.
When you start believing that your fantasies are true.
Labels: life
Brief , 12:01:00 AM ↑
I'm sick. Again.
Brilliant isn't it.
Right during CTs.
Of course, I'm always THAT lucky.
Unit Camp was fun. I was high on both
friday and saturday.
And I was a Zombie on Sunday.
I only slept 1 hour on saturday night.
I showered with cold water at 3.30am.
Haha. The best.
Well, debriefs seem to take forever.
Still, they're kinda fun.
Overall it was great.
And we did a GREAT JOB squadmates!
:D :D :D :D :D :D
I've been trying very hard not to think about things.
But I can't help it.
I really can't.
The things people say,
Other people's actions,
everything just brings it all back to plague my mind.
I feel like crap.
I'm going to screw up CTs.
Stop it.
Stop playing games with me.
Brilliant isn't it.
Right during CTs.
Of course, I'm always THAT lucky.
Unit Camp was fun. I was high on both
friday and saturday.
And I was a Zombie on Sunday.
I only slept 1 hour on saturday night.
I showered with cold water at 3.30am.
Haha. The best.
Well, debriefs seem to take forever.
Still, they're kinda fun.
Overall it was great.
And we did a GREAT JOB squadmates!
:D :D :D :D :D :D
I've been trying very hard not to think about things.
But I can't help it.
I really can't.
The things people say,
Other people's actions,
everything just brings it all back to plague my mind.
I feel like crap.
I'm going to screw up CTs.
Stop it.
Stop playing games with me.
Labels: life
hmmm Thursday, March 19, 2009 , 7:43:00 PM ↑
Can you fall in love twice with the same person?
Labels: life
Heartache Wednesday, March 18, 2009 , 10:28:00 PM ↑
Talk to me damnit.
I am in a dilemma.
As usual.
I want to know something,
but, I'm guessing that knowing it,
wouldn't exactly put me at peace.
It wouldn't. Argh.
I don't even know if it'll make me feel better.
Damnit. My heart hurts.
Really. Oww.
everytime I think of that,
I forget to breathe regularly,
then I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate.
Is that normal?
Because it is constantly plaguing
my mind. Well, a few times a day anyway,
I tend to not breathe regularly a lot.
Which is bad right?
I know what's the cure though.
But I can't get it.
Unfortunately.
I feel like crap.
I wanna hit him.
Until I feel better.
Shout and scream and swear,
until I feel better.
Cos right now, and ever since,
I've never felt any better.
Although, I thought I would.
Apparently not.
I am in a dilemma.
As usual.
I want to know something,
but, I'm guessing that knowing it,
wouldn't exactly put me at peace.
It wouldn't. Argh.
I don't even know if it'll make me feel better.
Damnit. My heart hurts.
Really. Oww.
everytime I think of that,
I forget to breathe regularly,
then I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate.
Is that normal?
Because it is constantly plaguing
my mind. Well, a few times a day anyway,
I tend to not breathe regularly a lot.
Which is bad right?
I know what's the cure though.
But I can't get it.
Unfortunately.
I feel like crap.
I wanna hit him.
Until I feel better.
Shout and scream and swear,
until I feel better.
Cos right now, and ever since,
I've never felt any better.
Although, I thought I would.
Apparently not.
Labels: life
The Notebook , 12:18:00 AM ↑
I can safely say that The Notebook is the most
beautiful movie ever. The actors and actresses
are brilliant. The story is beautiful.
It has a happy ending.
I guess I don't need much else to consider it
a beautiful movie.
beautiful movie ever. The actors and actresses
are brilliant. The story is beautiful.
It has a happy ending.
I guess I don't need much else to consider it
a beautiful movie.
Labels: life
love Monday, March 16, 2009 , 12:31:00 AM ↑
Love.
The most complicated word in the world.
I think every other word can be explained,
except this one.
But I guess I can say that I've been in love.
I think. But hey, you'd be thinking,
she's not even 16, how would she know
what's love? Well, maybe I don't.
But I just go with what I'm feeling,
and for just that once, it felt right.
Of course, people fall in and out of love don't they?
So that kind of love doesn't last until its
from the right one.
Right now I'd say love is like finding your other half.
Someone that completes you.
Someone who can look past your flaws and
love you all the same. Someone who loves you
because you're not perfect. Someone who can
make you laugh, but not cry. No, never cry.
Someone who'll remember all your favourite foods,
and can finish your sentences, and go shopping with
you, because he knows you like it when he's there.
Someone who is thinking of you, any moment,
any day. Someone who can sit with you for hours
and do nothing, because he's just enjoying the moments
together. Someone who will do things for you and
expect nothing in return. Someone who can be your
best friend.
But then, I think to myself, has anyone ever found
someone they've really been looking for?
That fits their perfect description of love?
Maybe, maybe not.
If there are, I hope I'm as lucky.
If there aren't, I hope I'm the first.
The most complicated word in the world.
I think every other word can be explained,
except this one.
But I guess I can say that I've been in love.
I think. But hey, you'd be thinking,
she's not even 16, how would she know
what's love? Well, maybe I don't.
But I just go with what I'm feeling,
and for just that once, it felt right.
Of course, people fall in and out of love don't they?
So that kind of love doesn't last until its
from the right one.
Right now I'd say love is like finding your other half.
Someone that completes you.
Someone who can look past your flaws and
love you all the same. Someone who loves you
because you're not perfect. Someone who can
make you laugh, but not cry. No, never cry.
Someone who'll remember all your favourite foods,
and can finish your sentences, and go shopping with
you, because he knows you like it when he's there.
Someone who is thinking of you, any moment,
any day. Someone who can sit with you for hours
and do nothing, because he's just enjoying the moments
together. Someone who will do things for you and
expect nothing in return. Someone who can be your
best friend.
But then, I think to myself, has anyone ever found
someone they've really been looking for?
That fits their perfect description of love?
Maybe, maybe not.
If there are, I hope I'm as lucky.
If there aren't, I hope I'm the first.
Labels: life
Thinking Saturday, March 14, 2009 , 11:55:00 PM ↑
I don't think I'll ever get it right.
When I think too much,
I get it all wrong, seeing things so
much more complicated than they actually
are. Thinking things are true when actually,
they aren't. Thinking that things have hidden
meanings, when actually, there is nothing
behind the literal meaning.
And then I try to think less.
And then I miss out things which I should
have noticed. Become so blur that things
rush right past me and I don't even notice.
I forget things that I should have remembered,
Don't pay enough attention to something that
I should have.
And so now, when I'm faced with issues that
require thinking, I have absolutely no idea,
what to do next. Should I think or not?
I have no idea.
And it is most frustrating.
When I think too much,
I get it all wrong, seeing things so
much more complicated than they actually
are. Thinking things are true when actually,
they aren't. Thinking that things have hidden
meanings, when actually, there is nothing
behind the literal meaning.
And then I try to think less.
And then I miss out things which I should
have noticed. Become so blur that things
rush right past me and I don't even notice.
I forget things that I should have remembered,
Don't pay enough attention to something that
I should have.
And so now, when I'm faced with issues that
require thinking, I have absolutely no idea,
what to do next. Should I think or not?
I have no idea.
And it is most frustrating.
Labels: life
Wondering. Friday, March 13, 2009 , 11:21:00 PM ↑
I wonder about myself sometimes.
And I scare myself at the same time.
It's quite terrifying.
And I scare myself at the same time.
It's quite terrifying.
Labels: life
30-hour fast Sunday, March 8, 2009 , 10:29:00 PM ↑
30 hour fast!!!
HAHA. I think it was a really interesting experience.
Not eating for 30 hours.
The P&W was kinda er... at times.
I think the dance steps damn weird can.
But it was still damn fun.
We started fasting at 11.30am on saturday
and finished at 6.30pm today.
By the time saturday evening came,
everyone went nuts.
High on nothing. Lol...
The best part was when lights out came.
Lights out was supposed to be 11.30pm.
And you know, almost everyone went to sleep
straight away! Like all the other people.
It was so early! Haha, but we didn't go to sleep.
Me, Pam, Geraldine, Andrea, Justin, Ivan, Glen and fred
huddled in a circle, like all lying on our stomachs.
And started talking. Cos interestingly enough,
for once guys and girls were all in the attic.
No separation. It was DAMN fun. The jokes that
came out were the best. Haha.
Lol, then apparently Kevin was sleepwalking?
And Pam started screaming about fractions in the middle of the night.
I shared a sleeping bag with Andrea and I think we
woke up about 50 times the entire night. LOL.
And on the second day we went to visit some old folks.
That was quite interesting.
And played games and had recon.
Haha. And Seow pulled down Kevin's pants cos it was the
only pullable one. Lol. During mass, me and Andrea couldn't keep awake.
Ivan totally knocked out. Haha.
After mass we had a catered dinner, buffet.
And the food disappeared in about 10 minutes.
Haha, I think we coped damn alot of muffins.
The we went to hang for a while at the playground near tp.
Then I got a lift home from Glen's parents.
I think 30-hour fast was brilliant overall.
I felt weird when I was eating today.
I just came back about half-an-hour ago from studying.
with Glen and Beatrice. Lol, I didn't do anything at all.
Ended up talking for like 2 hours.
But it felt great :D
Damnit, I just ate a sandwich.
I don't wanna go for tuitionnnn.
HAHA. I think it was a really interesting experience.
Not eating for 30 hours.
The P&W was kinda er... at times.
I think the dance steps damn weird can.
But it was still damn fun.
We started fasting at 11.30am on saturday
and finished at 6.30pm today.
By the time saturday evening came,
everyone went nuts.
High on nothing. Lol...
The best part was when lights out came.
Lights out was supposed to be 11.30pm.
And you know, almost everyone went to sleep
straight away! Like all the other people.
It was so early! Haha, but we didn't go to sleep.
Me, Pam, Geraldine, Andrea, Justin, Ivan, Glen and fred
huddled in a circle, like all lying on our stomachs.
And started talking. Cos interestingly enough,
for once guys and girls were all in the attic.
No separation. It was DAMN fun. The jokes that
came out were the best. Haha.
Lol, then apparently Kevin was sleepwalking?
And Pam started screaming about fractions in the middle of the night.
I shared a sleeping bag with Andrea and I think we
woke up about 50 times the entire night. LOL.
And on the second day we went to visit some old folks.
That was quite interesting.
And played games and had recon.
Haha. And Seow pulled down Kevin's pants cos it was the
only pullable one. Lol. During mass, me and Andrea couldn't keep awake.
Ivan totally knocked out. Haha.
After mass we had a catered dinner, buffet.
And the food disappeared in about 10 minutes.
Haha, I think we coped damn alot of muffins.
The we went to hang for a while at the playground near tp.
Then I got a lift home from Glen's parents.
I think 30-hour fast was brilliant overall.
I felt weird when I was eating today.
I just came back about half-an-hour ago from studying.
with Glen and Beatrice. Lol, I didn't do anything at all.
Ended up talking for like 2 hours.
But it felt great :D
Damnit, I just ate a sandwich.
I don't wanna go for tuitionnnn.
3 Bananas Friday, March 6, 2009 , 11:24:00 PM ↑
I just completed my second time of
I Am Gifted, So Are You.
Haha. I hope I feel inspired to study
all the way to 'O's
30 hour fast is tomorrow.
Haha, I'm kinda excited.
And I have no idea what to say.
More after the fast.
I Am Gifted, So Are You.
Haha. I hope I feel inspired to study
all the way to 'O's
30 hour fast is tomorrow.
Haha, I'm kinda excited.
And I have no idea what to say.
More after the fast.
clubhouse Monday, March 2, 2009 , 11:17:00 PM ↑
I feel blessed! HAHA.
Cos I have lots of study groups.
Well, two anyway. And that's enough :D
I love study groups.
Considering I don't get anything done at home,
the amount I get down at study groups
exceeds it like crazy.
I think the clubhouse is gonna turn into my
second home soon.
I spent 6 hours there today studying.
Not alone obviously.
HAHA. There's this spot which we've named the
meeting point.
Cos from there. there are four paths.
Each lead off to one of our house's
Clockwise, it'll be Justin, Glen, me, Beatrice.
haha. It's really amusing.
I think 30-hour fast will be interesting.
Really absolutely no food for a full 30 hours.
I'll die in school on monday.
Haha, I might not survive training.
Then edlyn will kill me.
Hmmm, but you know, hunger keeps
me awake. Cos my stomach will hurt so I
can't sleep properly. Interesting.
Ahah. I feel high.
Cos I have lots of study groups.
Well, two anyway. And that's enough :D
I love study groups.
Considering I don't get anything done at home,
the amount I get down at study groups
exceeds it like crazy.
I think the clubhouse is gonna turn into my
second home soon.
I spent 6 hours there today studying.
Not alone obviously.
HAHA. There's this spot which we've named the
meeting point.
Cos from there. there are four paths.
Each lead off to one of our house's
Clockwise, it'll be Justin, Glen, me, Beatrice.
haha. It's really amusing.
I think 30-hour fast will be interesting.
Really absolutely no food for a full 30 hours.
I'll die in school on monday.
Haha, I might not survive training.
Then edlyn will kill me.
Hmmm, but you know, hunger keeps
me awake. Cos my stomach will hurt so I
can't sleep properly. Interesting.
Ahah. I feel high.
Weekending , 12:03:00 AM ↑
My sister laughs like a maniac.
How much weight can you lose in a week?
Anyway, the clubhouse is a brilliant hangout.
haha. I love it.
I'm going for the 30 hour fast!
I doubt I can do any homework that weekend.
I think I won't be eating for the entire 30 hours?
I realllyyy hope I don't faint.
The last time I did that was when I had dengue.
But that was longer. but I was sick so I wasn't
hungry. So I guess it doesn't count.
You know what I want now.
Baked pasta.
Damnit.
How much weight can you lose in a week?
Anyway, the clubhouse is a brilliant hangout.
haha. I love it.
I'm going for the 30 hour fast!
I doubt I can do any homework that weekend.
I think I won't be eating for the entire 30 hours?
I realllyyy hope I don't faint.
The last time I did that was when I had dengue.
But that was longer. but I was sick so I wasn't
hungry. So I guess it doesn't count.
You know what I want now.
Baked pasta.
Damnit.
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