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I did think I didn't, but I do.
And today just made me all confused.
OK. It's either you read my mind or it was coincidence,
but I don't believe in that. I'm freaked out.

Anyway, it's been a long time since this kinda thing.
But not long enough I think, I could do without the headache.
I've got deja vu. It's too familiar,
and I don't want to make the same mistakes I did,
so I'll tread carefully, weigh every step.

I won't bother you, don't stress,
I'll just entangle my own mess,
No use to get everyone all worried,
It's about me after all so I'll be fine,
I've done this once before, so I don't want it to happen again,
Gotta think logically, something I don't do often,
So it'll be a challenge, But i'll be fine,
I always am.

I made a promise to myself, though I'm re-thinking it,
The last time I did a feelings related promise,
I ended up, well, like I am now.
Meaning half unable to be angry.
I promised myself, I wouldn't get sad,
About this kinda thing, if it didn't go well,
But if I really do, I might end up with no feelings at all,

Talk about mind over matter,
I'm living proof, I'm almost fully anti-chicken now,
it hardly took any effort actually,
all I did was tell myself it was bad for me,
Interesting really, I actually feel disgusted if I think about it while I eat it,
sounds like an obsession, don't worry,
I'm not about to get an eating disorder,
Lol. I'm stilling eating pretty much everything else,
Loads of fish. Probably more than in my entire life,

If i was an outsider reading this post,
I would think that, "this person is crazy"
Yeah, I sound deranged or seriously depressed,
but even as I typed that, I found it amusing,
I'm neither nor, unless I don't know it yet,
Which is weird, but I'm weird so who knows,

I decided to blog in this format from now on,
I think it's easier to read. I wonder who actually reads my blog,
Lol, if no one did then I've been talking to myself,
LOL.

Labels: life

I. AM. TIRED.

Labels: life

It's been. An eventful day. When is it not anyway. So we had teachers' day celebrations in school, yeah it was a blast. The performances were damn good, yeah, screw ups. :D K then I went to class to grab my bag and met Andrea at her class. Then we changed and went to meet our juniors, also ex-MCS to go back and visit marymount together. Geraldine had training with the sec2s so we left first. So it was Me, Andrea, Aqilha, Monique and Gloria. Yeah. We met up with Miss Choy. OMG lah, she lost so much weight, I am jealous. Yeah, she looks much better than when she was teaching me 3 years ago. I talked to Miss Lee and Ms Joseph as well, it was quite hilarious. I went to disturb my sis a few times. I said hi to Prischelle (sp?) and my sis's friend Clara. I said hi to Sarah Yap too, my half-cousin. Then I went to disturb Nicole. Lol, there were hardly any of us sec3s around but loads of sec1s and 2s. I felt so old can. Yeah. Lots of the sec1s and 2s were like looking at Andrea and me. BOTH my sis's friends thought Andrea was my boyfriend. LOL. I think it's hilarious. Haha, we like made loads of people there confused. I bet lots were wondering "What's a boy doing in our school?" HAHA. Omg. Yeah. Then after the dispersing, we met up again with Aqilha, Monique and Gloria AND YunHui. And we went to J8 for lunch! Omg. We sat at food junction and had laughing fits for like 2 hours, then we went to basement to buy bubble tea. Then Geraldine came and we went into Macs and she had a McFlurry and we had laughing fits for another 2 hours. Andrea fell asleep with her mouth open and we took pictures! I'll upload it next time (: Haha. Then we were going home. Crossed the road to wait for 54. Then I met Tessa! She was on her way home. Lol. Damn funny. Yeah. Then I took 54 with Monique and YunHui. I reached home and played the piano. AND went BACK to J8 for dinner, with my family. Very -_- I know. Reached home, continued composing my song. YES, I started writing again. Watched Ghost whisperer, started panicking about Campcraft test tomorrow (Geraldine Mark!) And stopped panicking. Scanned in 12 pages of notes for Geraldine and downloaded and printed holiday homework. And basically, that was my day. I loved every minute of it, except the panicking.

Labels: NPCC, school

STAFF SERGEANT PROMO IS OVERRRRRR. I am damn happy :D and relieved. The next best thing would be to find out that I passed!!! Lol. Its the sec1s' promo on saturday. So I'll go down to check their uniform and give moral support :D Yeah. Teachers' Day celebrations tomorrow so there's no lessons! And I'll be going back to Marymount! I haven't gone back in a year. Yeah. time to catch up with everyone. And disturb my sisters. Lol. Both of them :D RIOT! is next week. Lol lol. I'm gonna spend the sept hols studying . and having extra lessons. UNFORTUNATELY.

Labels: NPCC, school

It's 2.20am.
I will be asleep.
In class, tomorrow,
Unfortunately.
Kopiko will have to save me.

Labels: school

I've chosen my confirmation name! :D

Labels: church

I hate REAP. Fine. I haven't gone for one. But it's because of it that I will have 4 more hours of lessons a week and I have to put my piano lessons on hold. My fridays and not free for the next month. That equates to NO MORE LIFE. Monday: CCA, Tuesday: Tuition, Wednesday: REAP and tuition, Thursday: CCA, Friday: REAP. Can I please die. Wednesday is the worst. I need permission to die. NOW. And they'll probably think they made a miracle happen when I do well for FYEs. But they probably wouldn't make a difference. Its all the work of my tuition. And if they think that our (quote them) "foundation" is so important, and they're taking our MID-YEAR results as a gauge for admission to this program, why didn't they start at the start of term 3? Like what difference do they think they can make in a month? Crazy people. Please lah, look at my common test results can. Sure it's not all As but it shows I never needed their help. Like my tuition teacher said. "MOE came up with teach less, learn more. But the school teachers teach less and I teach the rest." I totally agree. I might as well not go to school since I don't get a word they're talking about most of the time yet I go for tuition and it works like a charm. Where's the logic anyone? I'm not saying all teachers are bad. But in a class of 40 people, and with a syllabus thats so straining on the teachers, its no wonder their pace is too fast for me. Of course there are SOME teachers who well, just can't teach. I think they are lacking teachers and MOE is desperate. Or else I would have never gotten an e maths teacher like that. I can't put the name cos I'm not supposed "de-fame" any teachers. Whatever. I should just die. I have no problem with forfeiting my future for purgatory. Most of everyone's life is crap anyway and who looks forward to hardship and sadness? Not me. All I need is to be happy and love and be loved. Nothing else matters much to me really. I feel as if I'm wasting my time in school. And I really can't talk to my dad. It just makes me angry and sad. So there's no point. I'm contemplating whether or not to cut my nails. I think I won't. There's busking next week. Believe it or not. That's my saving grace. I actually get to hang out for a few hours, just playing my guitar and talking and laughing. I love church. I just thought of something to pray for. But God will probably say no. Well who knows, maybe God got modern.

Labels: church, life, school

I hate this. Its just given me stress. stress and stress. I don't know why I'm doing this anymore. And I'm NOT talking about academics.

Labels: life

Change of focus. Omg. Damn fast can. You have no idea what I'm talking about. Lol. Things have changed for me... Yeah. It's a little different now. I guess. I decided not to pursue something if I know I can yield no results. Yeah. So I shall change my focus until something re-surfaces and there's a better chance of me ermmm...succeeding? Nope. Wrong word. Errr...well I need my happiness, and right now there's no chance of it so I shall search for another source until this one seems to well become something possible. Yeah. Lol. The way I view life is weird.

Labels: life

AHHH. Promo is next weeeeek. I'm deadddd. Argh. Probably getting a bunch of results back tmr. and oh mannnn, I'm in REAP. That sucks. it's wednesday and friday. But my wedensday totally not free. and that meanssss that MY WHOLE WEEK WILL TOTALLY BE GONE. I hate this. I'll have NO LIFE. How meaningless is that? Too much. I might get a breakdown. I don't care. I'll do damn well for FYEs so they'll have NO REASON to put me in REAP next year. YES. I don't care, I'm determined to enjoy my sec 4 year. No matter what. I WILL NOT have no life. That's like asking an elephant to live the life of an alligator. Totally wrong and against nature. Same with me. I wonder why I'm in 3G1 sometimes. I guess I'm catching up. You have no idea how good that is. It's the best encouragement ever. For me, if I fit in, if I click, I'm happy. Or else, its all downfall. Ok. I gotta sleep. FYEs are in less than a month.

Labels: school

AHHH. Ok. So far no FAILS!!!!! *crosses fingers*. Chem SPA tmr. Lol. OMG. FYEs start on the 19th of September. THATS CRAZYYYYY. I haven't even gottn all my common test results back and alrd I'm starting to study for the next test! @#$%& Omg. I'm very !@#$% these days. No no, not vulgar. Anyway. Yeah. Going crazy. Good night.

Labels: school

So far, CT results have been GOOD. Yes. So far, I haven't failed anything. (hopefully I won't at all!) I got 52/100 for chinese. Yeah. just passed. And A maths. OMG. I was so so so so surprised. I got 28/40. Which makes it an A2! I totally didn't expected. I have NEVER got anything close to an A2. Yeah. And I owe a lot of it to Mr. Ng. :D Tuition DOES work. For me anyway. Yeah. Argh. SPA tomorrow and thursday, wish me luck :D

Labels: school

I think I have reached a turning point in my life. The time in which I stop being invisible. I've forgotten what's it like to make friends. I'm always knowing someone through someone else, which makes it easier cos there's already a connection. But really properly making friends. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I'm insecure, very. I used to not be able to go somewhere unless I knew someone there. Now I can safely say that I'm getting better. Definately more daring. Honestly, I'm very shy. Terribly shy. Though I try my hardest not to be. I think it still shows. Anyhow. I AM trying. And I think, in a way, God is helping me. I WANT to believe that he IS answering my prayers and I AM actually making progress. I'm slightly confused at the moment and just a little overwhelmed. But I like it. This Bicol trip has opened up many doors for me. I'm still a good 3 months away from it, but God has starting working his wonders right here. I've been hearing some very inspirational stories of people's personal experiences and perhaps maybe God is giving my hints on what to look out for in Bicol. What I should be focusing on. I could be wrong, maybe God isn't answering. But perhaps because everything is happening in church, I would believe he'd start his miracles from where everyone goes to look for him first. And if I have been lucky enough to experience his works, I can't think of anything greater to experience. I guess what I'm looking for in Bicol is a re-focus. A time when I can rethink things re-adjust my look at life. Away from my everyday schedules to something very different. For those 11 days I want to be focusing on others and not myself. I want to forget who I am and what I do and focus on interacting with those kids and teaching them about God. In a way I'm not worried about the teaching part because I believe that God will help me because I am spreading His word. It took a long time for God to answer my prayers, either that or it took me a long time to find the answers. But I'm just happy to have found them. And I want to be able to keep finding them. Everyday. :D

Labels: church, GOD

Haha! CTs are OVERRRRR (I passed chinese!!!!!). But still got SPA next week ): Oh well. Anyway. I had my chinese oral this morning. Lol! Total screw up as usual. But I don't think the chinese teachers wanna fail anyone. I wish Mr Zhu was my examiner, cos he alrd knows my chinese is THAT bad so he'd probably be more understanding. So we had training after that. I laughed until I cried. Sigh. Yeah. And there was something wrong with me. My commanding totally thrown out the window. Yeah. AND the Cis released me late! AHHH. Yeah. So I hurry up and showered then waited for Geraldine for a bit then we cabbed to church. Discussed our next RCIY session with Martina, Christabelle and Emmanuel. Lol. So fun. Yeah. Then went for mass. Then went Grandma's house for dinner. Omg. I'm addicted to fish cannnn. I ate fish like every day this week. I just love fish. Yeah. OMG. Olympicsss. We watched in school. Live from the website. Projected on the screen. We were screaming and out teacher was getting really nervous cos next door is a sec 4 class. Yeah. We were watching Michael Phelps get his 6th gold! obviously we would scream. Yeah. So hmmm. I'm going to busk tmr. Bright and early. In church. That means I have to sleep. NOW.

Labels: church, NPCC, school

I'm more than half way through common tests...(FINALLY!) Yeah. I've already done six papers. English, chem, elect lit, chinese, social studies and core geog. I'm left with A maths and physics tomorrow and E maths on Friday. And OMG. SPA on monday. That's like !@#$%& I dunno how to do all those mole calculations. Anyway. This saturday is BUSY. Chinese oral in the morning 7.30am. They are crazy. there is no way I can read a chinese passage and have a conversation in chinese that early in the morning. Then we're supposed to have training? Crazy. Then at 1.30pm I gotta be at Martina's house (or is it church?) to discuss our next RCIY session. Then we'll have lunch, then RCIY, then mass, AHHH. And busking on Sunday. I really hate being busy. Honestly, there are so many other things I'd rather be doing. Playing the piano, playing my guitar, gaming, picking up dance again! AHHHH. I gotta do something about my hair. I haven't cut it for a year. And the ends are all uneven.

Labels: church, school

YES.
I AM reverting back to blogger.
YES.
I am fickle minded.
I GET IT.

Labels: Everyday

testing testing

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