Mistress of words

mooooved

2010-01-30T12:37:00.001+08:00

MOVED
here :D

follow me

First of 2010

2010-01-21T01:13:00.003+08:00

I'M BACKKKKK.
AND I'M DEAD BORED.
Lets see.
Things I did this year:
1.Co-hosted a new years day party.
2.Got 10 points for 'O's (with bonus points)
3.Went for poly open houses
4.Went for CJ open house
5.Hung out at Beatrice's place
6.Had people over at my place twice
7.Started doing my 1000 piece puzzle again
8.Went bowling
9.DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Yes, so far 2010 has been absolutely idle for me.
Two days ago, I fell in love with Tokio Hotel (and Bill Kaulitz).
Super random, dunno how it started.
But yeah so I've been talking about it non-stop
for the past two days. And today my dad goes and meets
the production manager for Muse, since Muse is coming
to S'pore and my dad sells stage systems and his boss
asked him to go meet the guy. And they were talking, and my
dad finds out that this same guy is the production manager
for TOKIO HOTEL. Is that crazy? Yes it absolutely is.
And so my dad mentions that I love Tokio Hotel, and the
guy says he'll arrange for some Tokio Hotel stuff (tees and whatnot)
and he'll give it to my dad!!! Crazy shit ok.
I love my dad's job, really. He doesn't know the celebs, but
doesn't matter since they aren't the ones that take of this kinda stuff.
Like the SingFest thing. I would have never been able to go
without the free tickets. :D
Crazy stuff. My dad is psychic. Really.
Anyway. School supposedly starts next week.
Yay. I needa do something, homework maybe.
I've been rotting. Its almost 2am.
I've started my acute-daydreaming again.
Thats bad, really bad.
A desperate cry for reality.

A bit late but oh well, I'm bored.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!:
1.Have self-discipline
2.Pass chinese regularly
3.Lose 5kg?
4.Save $300
5.Better my guitar skills
6.Ace piano grade 8

What happens after

2009-11-20T21:23:00.002+08:00

Decisions scare me. Badly.
And I never handle it well.
I don't think many people can tie
themselves into a big damned knot
every time they have to make a big
decision. You know what, I'm scared
to death about 'O' level results.
You know whats the worse kind of
big decision to make? The kind that
has only two options and the one
that you choose affects all the people
involved negatively. And you know
what, I just made one of those decisions.
And I am lost. People are angry with
me which is evoking, so far, no reaction
from me because it is absolutely new.
I'm not used to people being angry with
me, not this way. I'm not used to making
people sad or letting people down. So its
unintentional, but it doesn't change the
fact that I did. Its difficult to deal with.
People need me, but I need me. And I
need to stop talking. This isn't helping.
I need to go to church. Talk to God.
Kneel at a pew for an hour. I dunno.
Something.

I hit it

2009-11-16T19:28:00.002+08:00

The first thing I felt like doing,
was tearing the notes up.
The second I felt like doing,
was giving the uniform all back to
them and saying, "you know what,
I changed my mind, thanks to
you guys, and I'm not coming back."

I say no more.

I have been having a headache,
for almost a week. It never goes away,
always in the background. and it
hurts. I'm exhausted. And all I wanna
do now is go for prom and have the
most awesomest time and forget all
the crap thats been hitting me in the face.

I wanna write a book.
I wanna compose a song.
I wanna act in a movie.
I wanna dance in a recital.
I wanna throw everything out the window,
tell everyone goodbye, and sneak out the door.

Exhaustion.

2009-11-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

I am exhausted.
I've been out everday since tuesday,
except thursday. i spent wednesday,
friday, saturday and today shopping.
For the whole day. Yesterday was
an all-day birthday party and
thursday, I spent playing xbox, with a
couple of church people.

You know what, I don't want my
life to change. I don't want to have to
adapt to a JC, to make new friends.
I don't want to have to decide whether
or not I really want to become a CI
and go nuts because my brain can't
settle on one decision. I don't want to
explain myself anymore. I don't want
to have my way of thinking be ridiculed
by my own parents. Yes, its weird,
Yes you probably don't get why anyone
would think like that, but guess what,
I do.

I don't know what I want. Which is why
I can't and don't want to decide. It's like
being told to pick your meal before you've
even decided on a restaurant. Absolutely,
impossible.

This not helping, nothing is.

Everyone has answers to my every question,
but everyone is biased in some way or another.
NP people would want me to go back because
the CCA needs to be saved. My parents
probably don't want me back cos hey, its been
quite obvious that they've never agreed on
any choice I've made regarding NP ever. Zh
wants be to go back to accompany her?
I dunno.

I don't like it when people ask my own questions
back at me.

I've found the things I can't stand.
Repeating myself, explaining myself/ my actions.
Not getting answers.

When both sides are wearing the same armor,
how do you tell them apart? By listening to the
hearts that are in sync with yours.

It's backkkk

2009-11-12T23:32:00.001+08:00

you know, when I'm feeling sad or happy
or whatever and I wanna talk to someone,
or I just need to talk to someone, I think
of all the people I know, and not a single
name pops into my head. I draw an
immediate blank.

I am pathetic aren't I?

Much ado about everything

2009-11-12T19:32:00.002+08:00

At this moment, right now,
I am conflicted.
There are two things, I need to
think about. One, which has a very
close deadline, and the other, which
fortunately has not presented a
deadline and has no reason to.
I hate decisions, like the big ones.
ARGH. I dunno what to do.

It's OVER.

2009-11-10T22:54:00.003+08:00

HIATUS IS OVER! haha.
My 'O's officially ended today.
Though I haven't exactly reacted
to that fact yet.
I've permed my hair. HAHA.
It's for prom but gosh it feels WEIRD.
Haha still. I'M GOING SHOPPING
TOMORROW. YAY. For my dress of
course. Ok. I'm out.

Coming like waves on the shore, inevitable.

2009-10-20T23:41:00.003+08:00

You know, I just typed out a blog post
that sounded so emo and angsty that
I deleted it. AND I almost slapped
myself.

Lets just say, I'm about to have
a breakdown.

Graduation.

2009-10-09T22:34:00.002+08:00

I graduated from secondary school today.
Yup. Honestly I don't know what to say.
Four years, over and done. Sigh.
I think one of the best parts of today is
when my clique planned a surprise
belated birthday celebration for me.
AH. I LOVE THEM. They're super awesome.
AND I officially had my third cake for
this birthday. :D They gave me an awesome
backpack, which I'm gonna use right away.
AND pink and white striped bra and underwear
LOL. They're really crazy. And they SIGNED
on the underwear! Lol. Anyway, I don't really
know what to type about today, I'm too
lazy to relate the whole event. And I'm
sleepy too. Ahh. Forget it, I'm bored.

Sweet Sixteen

2009-10-05T22:10:00.002+08:00

It's my birthday today!
My sweet sixteen!
I never imagined myself sixteen
I always used to see sixteen year olds
and go, "Wow, sixteen." Well look,
here I am.

I had school today...as usual ):
My classmates sang me happy birthday
in the canteen and made me a
makeshift cake. A muffin, with yakult
straws as candles. Haha, we're celebrating
on friday. After school I went to study
in church with Fred and Nick Neo.
Then I stopped by Tessa's house to
return her her geog tb. We talked for a bit.
Then I came home, chionged dinner and
went to the clubhouse for my mini-celebration :D
It was me, Glen, Beatrice and Justin. Haha,
They bought me a mango cheesecake!
Haha. It was really great and really dense.
AND we finished it. Glen almost puked.
It was fun though. and I loved it despite its
supposed simplicity, it was great! :D

Yesterday, my parents brought me to
eat dinner at Angus House, its this steak
place in Taka. Actually its like a fine dining
place. Like with different cutlery and
different courses. There was hors d'oeuvres,
it was fish, really good. Then mushroom soup,
then a salad with a japanese dressing. Followed
by tenderloin steak and finished off with tiramisu.
I was absolutely stuffed, as I am right now.

I do want to thank everyone who wished me
happy birthday or celebrated it with me, no matter
how small the celebration because right now, this
is a really anxious time for everyone so all efforts
are appreciated! :D
So, THANK YOU :D

Its a lost cause, but I'm stuck anyway.

2009-09-30T20:06:00.002+08:00

You know what pisses me off,
not getting angry.
Why is it that just because I never
get angry, there must be something
wrong with me when I do? Doesn't
everyone get angry?? The last I
checked it was completely normal.
But no, apparently its abnormal for me.

I'm gonna rant about my sister now
because I need to. And I couldn't care
less if she reads it. In fact, I hope she
does. With her its like if she gets angry
she expects everyone to accept it and
no one is allowed to fault her even if
she's wrong. But if my mum, or my dad
or I get angry with her she blows up.
She starts spouting the most ridiculous
rubbish on earth. Like she knocks over
my mum's cup of drink and SHE gets
angry with my mum. Or my mum
scolds her for something that happened
between her and my youngest sis and she'll
say, "See lah, Nicole getting me into trouble
again." AHEM, Nicole's 8, she's 13. I find it
hard to believe that Nicole is evil. And she's
never given any proof of Nicole's alleged
evilness anyway. Every morning my parents
have to shout themselves half to death to
try and wake her up and that pisses me off.
Doesn't she ever think of anyone but herself?
She doesn't care that she stresses my parents
out so much. my mum packs up her desk and
within 2 days, its completely devastated. Her
desk is a nightmare. My mum spends hours
on it and she can't even keep it clean for a
week?? Worse still, she scolds my mum if
she can't find something. Everytime she's
angry we have to bear with it but the super
rare times that I actually get angry, she acts
as if I'm not allowed to get angry. She goes
like, "What is wrong with you. So grumpy."
doesn't sound that bad until you hear it in
her tone of voice. Like acid. She's the only
one that doesn't care that I hate getting
angry and by emphasizing that I am, it
makes me more pissed off. She always makes
herself the victim. YEAH RIGHT. Most of the
time, she's the only one in the wrong.
She almost never says she's sorry. She's so
quick to defend herself that she's probably lying
without knowing it. She gets into a huge fight
with my parents and acts completely normal
a couple of hours later like she never did
anything wrong, she's completely unaffected
when everyone else was. She borrows stuff
and never gives it back. The other day, I
borrowed a stick glue from her and she told
me straight off that she didn't know where the
cap was, I said ok and tried to use the half
dried up glue the best that I could. A couple
of days later she comes to me demanding for
it, when I give it to her capless, she goes.
"Where's the cap!" in a super angry voice.
I explain calmly that she gave it to me without.
and the next thing she says is the best. "You
could have asked for the cap!" I was like blank.
Didn't she say she couldn't find it? It made
absolutely no sense. Then she went on to say,
"See lah, how am I supposed to use it now that
its all dried up!" EXCUSE ME, who was the one
that lost the cap! See what I mean. Do something
wrong, blame everyone else. It makes no sense.
I've tried to understand why she's like that.
Why she can't see that when she gets angry
she's no better than a drunkard, making no
sense, blaming the world. And she denies
everything. I wanna help her get out of
her extreme behavior, its been manifested since
she could talk, but its been absolutely impossible.
I don't know what to do. And I just hate the
way she treats her family. Surprise, surprise,
she's an angel to her friends.

On another note, I hate it when people get an
L1R5 of 10 for prelims and they're upset
because it ISN'T A SINGLE DIGIT. Wtf.

Lessons learned

2009-09-26T19:49:00.002+08:00

Catch yourself before you fall,
or you're sure to hit the ground.

Be cautious in case the road ends,
before you expect it.

Don't walk off the plank, if you're
unsure if there are sharks.

Hold on to what you've got,
you never know when it might leave.

But don't hold on too tight,
if not, it will definitely leave.

Life without love,
isn't a life at all.

Someone told me the other day,
that depression is merely a form of
self-centeredness. I absolutely agree.
And stress is merely a socially-acceptable
form of a mental illness.

Everyone needs someone.

Blood Promise

2009-09-17T22:11:00.002+08:00

I JUST READ BLOOD PROMISE.
Yeah yeah, I gave in. My mum actually
suggested that I should read it, so I
wouldn't be bugged about it anymore.
BUT I'M GOING CRAZY NOW.
*warning this post contains spoilers.
(don't read this post if you haven't
read the book and are planning to)
I really really didn't expect all of that
stuff. There were two problems going
on at the same time. One was Lissa's
and of course Rose's. It was absolutely
crazy. Its like, it ended then it didn't,
the it ended then it didn't! THEN IT
ENDED AND THEN IT DIDN'T.
Ok, I just sounded crazy. Nevermind.
But I'm surprised that I liked the way it
turned out. Christian and Lissa broke up,
Adrian's gonna seriously try to start
dating Rose, and if she agrees to, well,
I think I really don't mind. Dimitri isn't
dead but he is full-fledged Strigoi and
obviously, he's loving it. So the tables
have turned, he's hunting Rose down now.
To kill her. But they've heard something
of a "fairytale" that can turn strigoi back,
I mean Rose knows and told Lissa. So the
Dimitri problem is very VERY unsolved
at the moment. Damn. I HAVE TO WAIT
ALMOST A YEAR FOR THE NEXT BOOK.
I've never chased a book series before.
It's really frustrating. I love Adrian Ivashkov.
Dimitri as a Strigoi doesn't stick well with
me so as long as he's still one, well I'm an
Adrian Ivashkov fan now. CAN'T BELIEVE
HE'S NOT DEAD. ARGH.

I'm gonna try and put in some serious
studying tomorrow. But right now, my brain
feels like it's gonna fizzle out. I've read for
almost 5 hours straight. It's really exhausting.

Miow

2009-09-16T23:37:00.002+08:00

Prelims are over for me. Yeah, I'm the lucky ass.
Lol. Majority of my level still has chem tomorrow
and those retaking MT have the prelim on friday.

I seriously have to stop watching romance movies.
They make me more sad than anything. Still, my
favourite movie is still A Cinderella Story. I must
have watched it over 20 times already. So the
quality's not the best, its a pretty old movie but
hey, it gives me a little hope that some fairytales
come true. I really need a fairytale. Or a miracle,
either's fine. You know what, I just had a thought.
I don't think I'd ever find a romantic Singaporean
guy. Like sheesh, what kind of a proposal is, "eh,
wanna go buy HDB flat?" I'd slap the guy if he said
that. Yes, I'm a terrible romantic. But seriously,
why aren't guys like that anymore. Ok, maybe
some are, but they're a severe minority I think.

I'll stop ranting now. But really, is it so much to
ask for a guy to be romantic? LOL.

Uhhhh

2009-09-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

When you meet people online, what's your first thought?
Me I wonder how old they are. Then I wonder where
they're from. I'm talking about rpgs so you don't see
their faces or their names or whatever. Its really
interesting. The best way to get research on youths
around the world. I mean they could be lying but
they must have gotten their lies from somewhere right?
Lol. Like peer pressure or whatever. Imagine being
in a semi-chatroom listening to people from the halfway
around the world talking about how they do pot and
they love it and they drink, and they wish they were
drunk. and they take sleeping pills to get high and they're
all either presently gay, have been gay or are bi. From
where I'm sitting, its interesting. I'm not gonna get into
that stuff. (EWW) I mean that's why I see people talk
about it, cos I'm never gonna do that stuff. Scary shit.
And they aren't all from the same country so its kinda
like a wider perspective. Is all that shit fun????
Honestly I find it a BIG turn-off. Not cool. It's slow
suicide anyway. I'd rather be called pure and innocent
for the rest of my life. I dunno how much of that stuff
is done around here. It'll be interesting to find out.
But I haven't met a single Singaporean yet. Mostly all
from the northern hemisphere. I feel as if I should
write an essay now. Damn SBQs, won't leave me alone.

So they sang.

2009-09-09T23:01:00.000+08:00

Who's to say, I haven't lost control?
There's a good chance, I have.
And I hear what they say.
No, I am not the best.
Stereotyped yes.
one piece of good news,
expected of the rest.

Delusional, they are.
Illusions that comfort, but are blind.
You tell yourself you'll survive,
But you won't.
Suppose there was hope. Good.
Not many are so lucky.
Like myself, for example.

Perish evil thoughts!
So I may see a clear path.
Victory lies beyond the black gates.
My head pounds hard, does yours?
A piece of mind picked out,
too much to fear, ergo you,
will fall in failure.

Army Open House 2009

2009-09-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

Army Open House 2009!
HAHA.
Yes yes, I went yesterday.
With Zhuang Hua, Jiaxuan, Andrea, Rubini, Zakiah, Vivien and Hazwani.
It was pretty awesome. We got to climb
into the the vehicles and stuff and we
watched a simulated terrorist attack, with the
tanks and everything, firing blanks of course.
But damn, it was LOUD. I think most soldiers
go deaf in the end. Gunshots are scarily loud.
I really had no idea that they were THAT loud.
Anyway, we got to take photos with some
soldiers! HAHA. But we didn't get to do the
live firing :'( sighh...nevermind, there's always next year :D We saw the SAF Drama and Music people again! The awesome beat boxer, Dharni, who I found out was actually Singapore's rep at a word beat boxing comp.
Really amazing stuff. Anyway, I think that
if Singapore ever wanted to send anyone to
rep our country in singing or whatever, they
should send the SAF Drama and Music Company.
They're better than the Singapore Idols anyway.
Lol. We had dinner after that at Jurong point, during the dinner hour! BIG mistake, it was crazily crowded. But we managed to get a place at Macs. Yeah, then MRT-ed alllll the way home.
I reached home around 10. Anyway, that's the most excitement I've had in a while. Gonna crash, waking up early tomorrow.

Blast

2009-09-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

ITS BUGGING ME.
Haha, luckily, I've roped in help.
*Laughs evily*
Sigh, I need to get more help.
ALTHOUGH, I've discovered something interesting.
But I've told myself not to jump to
conclusions cos well, I could be wrong :D
HAHA.
I've already done a brilliant job in
restraining myself from killing him.

na na na

2009-09-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

A quick word!
AHHHH.
It's so frustrating you know!
Sigh but I'm trying my best to keep
an open mind, so I won't be like
expecting anyone in particular,
cos then I could be disappointed. Lol.
Anyway, AHHH
I've got 5 papers left.
A math paper 1 and 2,
geog paper 2 ,
physics paper 1 and 2.
Yup.

sing it loud

2009-08-26T00:00:00.002+08:00

AHHH.
Prelims are coming soonnn.
Argh.
Anyway.
Passing comments:
Drag queens freak me out.
Ew.
I LOVE child singers.
I mean the ones that can really sing.
Like Hollie Steel and Ciana Pelekai.
Amazing. Really, they're pure talent.
I think I just like children lol.

And I have a realisation,
Singapore kids don't have enough
self-confidence and charisma,
in general of course. There are some that
do. Only wish there were more.
Cos then if we ever had Singapore's Got
Talent, we'd really see some talent.
Singapore needs to develop more on
that aspect. I think its really brilliant that
we have academically brilliant kids, my
mum was telling me about the three
Singaporeans who topped Oxford, but
are they the people that you remember?
Well, unless they're becoming the next
Einstein, I guess. But you know whats funny,
We might have lotsa future Einsteins,
but definitely no future Leonardo Da Vincis.
Its the whole Arts VS. Sciences thing.

I think we're way too academic. Its
unbalanced you know. Not everyone is a
genius in science. Because of all that, I think,
A LOT of other Singaporean talents are lost.
Arts related careers are so highly discouraged
that even kids who had potential to become
amazing artists (Singers, dancers e.g.) had no
chance to develop on their talent. And I think
its sad that we may not be known for anything
else than our math textbooks and scholars.

That's all boring don't you think?
Brilliant sure, but not exciting!
I know a lot of amazing dancers and singers my
age and stuff but none of them would get a
chance to do what they love. Simply because
there's absolutely no industry for it here.
I'm not going against the PAP or anything,
I'm just thinking that there are other ways to
make ourselves known in this huge world
around our little red dot and we have yet to
try it all. Any you never know unless you try
right? Precisely.

That's my last note.

Chinese 'O's

2009-08-19T21:08:00.000+08:00

Hello people.
So, today was the release of the Chinese 'O' level
results!!
I swear a miracle happened because:
1.I PASSED.
2.I got a B4!
I don't even pass normally so this is really way out.
Yeah, I started crying once I knew cos I was really
scared that I failed or something. But I was really
happy that I DIDN'T fail so I started crying.
Congrats to eveyone who got their As! :D Haha.
Crescent has like 70% distinction for chinese,
and that's really scary. Yeah well, I'm happy with
what I got and I'm not retaking. :D
Yup. So that's it for now.
English 'O' level oral tomorrow :D

2009-08-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hello world.
A new chapter of my life has begun.

Cliche much?
Yes.

But it is true. Before I launch into
a very exciting day, I think I might be
mildly narcoleptic although my mum won't
listen to any of my theories. My falling
asleep problem is really driving me nuts
and I just wish there was a medical
explanation for it you know? Then I'd know
I could have it treated of something. Right
now I have no idea how to stop it.

Ok now on to the story.
We celebrated Vanessa's birthday today,
her actual birthday's on tuesday. So we
did a dinner thing at SICC. All the cousins
+ 3 of her friends, Samantha, Sabrina and
Amelia. So we did the dinner thing and then
we went downstairs to bowl. That was the plan
anyway. We were bowling halfway and then
Samantha was talking about how her god brothers
family was in SICC too. (they're all members and
stuff) Then the four of them started freaking
out. I dunno why. Must be the prospect of guys
or something. Anyway, ness told me about these
guys before, Jonathan and Justin. And Jonathan
is the vice-head of council of St. Gabs. and he
knows Ivan. So the family eventually came down
to the bowling alley. I was talking to ness
and I mentioned that Ivan was cute, I mean
he's not bad looking right? But it doesn't
mean I like LIKE him. Nah, not my type. And ness
threatened to tell Jonathan that I said that.
So I said fine. and I dared her to do it to
his face and in front of me. -_- and she did.
Its not like it was some deep dark secret
of mine. After she told him we started talking.
General stuff, like school, 'O's blah blah,
common topic nowadays. Yup. He's a really nice
guy, reminds me of Seow. Funny and all that.
So that was really unexpected. Cos by the time
their family came around all the cousins had
left already. So we were the only ones our
age there. The nearest was his brother, who's
sec2. That was fun, I haven't met anyone new
in ages.

I did more than four hours of e math today.
Sigh and I'm still not done! I'm behind in
some homework. Like english morning practices
and some MORE e math homework. And I have an
A math paper to do. I need to start studying
my humanities too. I freaking out ok. prelims
are in 10 days. I am really freaking out.
I think I'm going to drop chemistry.
Lets say I do drop chem, this is my aim for
prelims.
English: A1
E math: A1
A math: A1
Physics: B4
Geog: B3
SS/Lit: B3
L1R5: 13 points.
Wish me luck, I'll need it.

Just before I leave:
Over it, over you.

National Day weekend

2009-08-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

Had a pretty eventful weekend. Yup.
I had lunch with the class clique,
all 13 of us. Haha. Ate at BK. It was
really quite crazy. Then I went home,
studied for a bit and went out at 3.30
to watch G.I. Joe with my cousins and my
sis. G.I. Joe is really really brilliant.
It's the kind of movie you've GOT to watch
in a cinema. The effects just gotta be seen
on a giant screen. Yeah, it was like a mash
up of all brilliant action movies!
Haha The G.I. Joe almost look like Transformers,
Rex had a mask that had Voldemort's nose but
made him sound like Darth Vader and there were
weapons that sounded like they came out of
Start Wars or Halo. Lol. It was totally worth my
$8.50 Okkk...Saturday. Hmmm...I can't remember.
Oh, went bowling. I had a slight mental breakdown
there, but I don't wanna think about it.
Saturday night at Grandma's house. I was studying
mostly, Tessa too since her CTs start tomorrow.
Sunday was interesting, to say the least.
Church was exceptionally full. Lunch at Ikea was
alright, I won't go into details. We wanted to
take a look at some 3-cushion thing, but it hadn't
come in yet. Lol. Then we went to the Honda showroom,
my parents wanted to look at the Honda Freed.
I think its kinda cute, although Ness hates it.
Lol. We went to Vivo after, I ACTUALLY wanted to
go look in Zara's up-to-70%-off sale, but Fox
caught my eye first. Did I mention I LOVE Fox?
I do. It rocks. Haha. They were having a storewide
half price sale! Haha. I bought 2 tops and a dress.
Ness bought a dress too, the exact same one! Haha
It'll be reallllyyyy funny if we wear it at the
same time. Ah well, she NEVER wanted to buy dresses
so since it was such a rare occurrence it didn't
matter. HAHA. Yeah, then I went over to Tangs to
look for a prom dress. I tried on a gorgeous
dress at Daniel Yam, but I didn't buy it, not yet.
I'm still thinking about it cos like my mum said,
Daniel Yam is quite common, so someone else might
buy it too. Which would be a HUGE disaster.
Lol. But it was gorgeous. Then we went ate at
White Dog Cafe. Omg, the food is GOOD. Yeap,
I recommend the place. I had a mocktail, hahaha.
Coconut and pineapple, my mum said it tasted like
suntan lotion. Lol, I liked it. National Day
Parade was...different, yeah, that's the only word
for it. Haha. It was alright. Yeah anyway,
I was a loner today, lol. Ness had friends over
and Nic was at her friend's house. Oh well,
back to school tomorrow. SIGHHHH

Freak out

2009-08-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

My head. Hurts.
I can't make up my mind whether or not to
drop chem. I dunno who to listen to.
I don't even have any thoughts of my own.
I want to be able to do it. To finish what I
started. Why be learning chem for two years
only to drop it just before the major exam?
But I don't know, if its too late.
I'm scarily close to 'O' levels. prelims
are two and a half weeks away. I'm freaking out.
I really want to do well. I really really
want to do well. I feel like breaking
something. Ah freak. You know, I needa lock
myself in a room full of books and
nothing else and just study.
I might get a mental breakdown though? No no.
I really don't like this.
My headaches aren't helping either.

Ups and Downs

2009-07-31T23:37:00.000+08:00

ANDDDDD the dream has ended.
My parents won't let me get a nazar.
Whatever.
I am overwhelmed with math.
I'm doing so much math everyday that
my imagination is suffering. Too
much teachnical tuff has killed my
literary skills. Ah freak. One month
to prelims. Do you know how scary that is?
I'm really really terrified.
I wanna hide in some dark corner
and pretend its all a really bad nightmare.
I've got my new goal in life, well, apart
from getting married and having like 6 kids,
I wanna work in Resorts World Sentosa.
I don't mind even being a dealer in the Casinos.
Why not man. It'll be fun. But the most ideal
would be working in one of the six hotels
that are going to be there. Yup. New aim in
life. So what do I study in uni to get there then?
You can't study hospitality right? Sigh.

WISHLIST!

2009-07-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

My birthday is approximately 2 months and a week away.
And I know exactly what I want! I want the limited edition
Blood Promise Bracelet. PROBLEM IS: since its LIMITED EDITION
its ALREADY SOLD OUT. So whoever it is that is getting it
for me (hint hint) has to go find it on ebay or amazon
OR convince the seller of the jewelery to make me one :D
OMG. I REALLY WANT IT. It even has a Molnija mark! ARGH.
For clueless people, its jewelery made based on the most
awesomest series ever, Vampire Academy Series! I really
really really want it so badly. Ok, another one is another
piece of jewelery by the same maker called Siberian Tears.
This gorgeous necklace has a Nazar like Rose's, but this
one isn't coming out for a few weeks yet so I'll check up
on it again. Yup, so those two are the top on my birthday
wishlist right now so anyone wanna contribute to the
VICTORIA BIRTHDAY PRESENT FUND? Haha, cos if I really get
them I'm getting them shipped from the US and they
aren't cheap to begin with. Real gemstones and all so
yup, I need funds :D

Getting to my head. Help.

2009-07-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

You know, I'm tired. And worried.
The homework I'm getting is insane.
I keep up with it. I'm wanting to get
consultations with teachers for questions
that I don't know, but how am I supposed
to do that when my whole day is ALLL
remedials such that I don't even have time
to get consultations. I feel like quitting
tuition. I know it sounds like a stupid
time to quit tuition but I feel as if I
need that extra time in school to get
consultations since that's the only that
DOESN'T have any remedials. Sigh. This
sucks.I wanted to quit one out of the three
lessons that I take a week but I could tell
that my tuition teacher was reluctant to let
me go. So ends up I didn't quit that lesson.
Well obviously he would be reluctant right,
he'd be losing money. Yeah, So I kinda dunno
what to do now. And I'm behind in all my
homework except E math. My A math is totally
screwed right now. Integration is driving me
nuts and I just can't get some of the answers
right which is WHY I need consultations.
Argh. I'm going nuts already. And I need to
do something quick. Also I feel as if my
tuition teacher has the wrong impression
of me. I have this feeling he thinks I'm a pro.
Which is bad, cause I'm far from that. I
really hate my schedule right now. It's
totally uncontrollable and everything is
compulsory you know? So I can't even decide
which to go for. Sighhhh. My prelims are
in a month. I am SO dead.

Felt it

2009-07-22T20:14:00.001+08:00

I feel weird.
Weird.
No other word

Follow up.

2009-07-20T00:31:00.003+08:00

You know what I do when I'm sad?
I write letters.
To people. But I'd never post them.
I write with the intention of feeling
as if I'm talking to them.
It works sometimes.
Just sometimes.

Watched HP6 yesterday.
I liked it! Despite what my sis says.
I think its one of the better HP movies.
And Tom Felton is pure hotness.
He appeared in this movie a lot!
Which is great. Too bad he won't be
around much in the last two movies.

Damn its monday.
I hate sunday nights you know?
And I love friday nights.
You know, I don't like school much.
The lessons part anyway.

Stepmother

2009-07-15T20:48:00.002+08:00

Conscience? Is that you at the door
No I tell you now, go away.
I know what your honest mouth will spew
What? there is no wrong, the Mistress is out.

Shh...Father slumbers, I saw his dirtied drink.
She did it you know? and went to see the devil.
No you, stop your nagging She deserves it.
All her makeup flushed away, oh how she'll howl.

Did you see that skimpy dress?
Father ignored it, what a fool.
Never you mind, I'll make sure she cowers.
have you got a pill to wake him?

Is that the key in the lock? What joy!
Hear that drunken slur She has no shame!
She will sober up fast I reckon. Once she
sees her wardrobe's sorry state.

Quickly, to the bomb shelter. She doesn't
like the cobwebs in her muddy tresses.
Time for Operation Number 2, she's throwing
a bash at that devil's house. A forged invitation
Conscience? Already in my pocket.

An original poem by Victoria Hannah Goh

Stealing

2009-07-10T23:02:00.003+08:00

I just watched For One More Day.
A movie based on the book by Mitch Albom.
I have to say, it's one movie that followed
the book exactly. The exact dialogues even.
Amazing. It was so sad. But I like it.

I feel out of it. I always feel out of it.
Like something isn't ever right.
I get depressed so freaking easily.

Dunno what to do about the CI thing.
Yesterday Andrea told me to pray about it.
And it actually occurred to me that I hadn't tried!
See what's happening to me.
How could I forget God? Andrea's advice was
definitely God-sent. I guess it kinda took such
obvious means for me to realise. Since I just
remembered, the recent sermons have been
about this kind of thing. Well thank God for
Andrea then, literally.

My imagination is taking on a sadistic streak.

This is the poem I wrote in lit today.
Based off the poem by Carol Ann Duffy

Stealing

I took it. A face, one like mine
Midnight. Snuck her to a safe-house
Sleeping pills in her throat, enough to last the day
Went back Closed my eyes
woke up with her face

Better of dead than giving in, not taking
what you want. Took no effort to fool
the parent, less for the friends.
Part of the thrill was knowing
She'd never figure it out

I steal things worth stealing, an experience
a birthday, a piece of good news.
I'm the one in control and they never know
Then I come to my favourite part, the mirrors

Reality was calling, the sky dimming
I trudged back, nearly regretting
Replaced her in her bed and walked out
never looking back. Started to wonder
who's life I'd try tomorrow.

bla

2009-07-06T11:58:00.001+08:00

I had a really weird dream last night.
And I was talking to someone who was
supposedly my friend but right now I have
no idea who he is! Sigh.

Youth Day today. Whaha.
No school.

Good stuff

2009-07-04T00:00:00.002+08:00

It's been a good/bad week.
I'll just talk about the good stuff.
I watched Transformers2 yesterday!
It was good! I loved it. Who cares about
critics huh. I think the action was
totally worth paying $7.50 for.
Oh last saturday I watched Casanova
on channel5.
Haha. I love that movie. Everyone lied
to everyone from the moment the movie
started until the end. Lol. But the main actor
died of drug overdose or something.
Heath Ledger. So sad. He was good looking.
And a great Casanova. And there was a Victoria
in the movie, and she was crazy. Lol.
I just came back a couple of minutes ago
from playing Pokemon monopoly with Glen and
Justin at Glen's house. Lol. It was hilarious.
We were taking turns to be rich and poor.
The game was going in circles. We were at it for
2 and a 1/2 hours. lol. I have got absolutely
nothing to do this weekend. But oddly enough,
I feel as if I should study. I seem to feel like that
nowadays. Its a totally foreign feeling.
But good, for now anyway.
Hmmm... that's it for now.

No comment

2009-06-24T18:21:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I rejected two invitations
to watch Transformers2 this friday.
All because of stupid mid years.
Crescent sucks. I've never rejected
movie invitations to study ever.
Yeah whatever, I can feel better that
I did the "right thing". I don't somehow.

Freak out

2009-06-23T23:47:00.003+08:00

Scared to death.
Daydreaming like mad.
Hoping real hard that I won't panic.
cos that'll be the worse that can happen.
I don't care what happens.
I'm going to stay healthy
THROUGHOUT this round of exams.
I can't stand being sick during exams anymore.

Every sky was your own kind of blue

2009-06-22T22:41:00.002+08:00

Can they just close school forever.
I don't wanna go back.

Raindrops

2009-06-20T00:00:00.002+08:00

I didn't cry enough when the tragedy was fresh.
Crying now would just be lame.
So I won't.
You cursed the playgrounds.
Argh. This is so movie.
All the cliche shit.
Need aggressiveness training.
This proves that thinking is bad.
And so is sitting in my room by myself, remembering.
I hate you, or at least I wish I could.

Flash

2009-06-15T19:03:00.002+08:00

Your lips to kiss,
Your hands to hold,
Your hair to run my fingers through.

Your voice in my ear,
Your breath on my neck,
Your presence to make me feel safe.

I miss it.

Mystery

2009-06-12T23:56:00.002+08:00

I'm almost entirely positive that my
suspicions are correct! Haha. Yup,
another piece that kinda fits.
For once my speculations may be right!!
HAHAH. If that's the case, I should stick
to analysing other people's lives rather than
mine. Funny how I seem to see theirs
clearer than I do mine. Sighhh. I need someone
else to analyse MY life then. HAHA.

Monologue

2009-06-11T23:47:00.003+08:00

I started reading Wuthering Heights.
It's torture.
The vocabulary is really unbelievable.
My head started to hurt after a while.

There was a swarm of bees in school today.
A really huge swarm. It was freaking scary.
Hmmm...

Gonna study with Geraldine at Coffee Bean
tomorrow. Haha. Well, do homework I guess.
I don't really wanna study geogggg.
I have to though. Sighhhh...
I don't like human geog very much.

Anyway...
I think I'll sleep.

Blahblah

2009-06-10T22:57:00.002+08:00

Sigh, my sad little tagboard has no friends.
Anyway, I found out that my dad has facebook.
Lol, but he doesn't know my email apparently.
I found out that there'll be 5 books in the
Vampire Academy Series! HAHA. So I have
2 more books to anticipate! Sigh, still seems too
little though. I'm about to find out if my dad
indeed exists in facebook. Haha. Lol, he does!
Haha. But I don't think I'd add him. Not now
anyway. I feel like sleeping early. HAHA.
Or playing some childish game. Like
neopets or something ridiculous like that.
Sighhh...sometimes it sucks to have zilch
love life.

Twilight Saga vs. Vampire Academy Series

2009-06-08T22:38:00.002+08:00

I love Vampire romance novels.
Ok. Now that we've got that established...
Well, the Twilight Saga has (obviously)
come to an end. Bear in mind we're talking
books only. AND I'm hoping that the
Vampire Academy Series won't be
ending so soon. It's up to it's 3rd book now.
The 4th is coming out this August. I'm
praying hard that that isn't the last because
I'd like to read more Dimitri and Rose.
Haha. I'd like to compare the main
couples first. (comments are probably biased,
I'm inclined towards the VAS side.)

So males first. Well, Edward is immortal
which to a certain extent makes Bella's
life a little easier since he won't be killed
so easily and he won't die of natural causes.
And he's so fast and strong anyway. So in
a lot of cases, she doesn't need to worry
about him. On the other hand, Dimitri
is mortal which perhaps makes him more
valuable to Rose? There's a greater chance
that she'll lose him, given his job as a
guardian. I guess Dimitri is more real perhaps?
Although he IS half Vampire. He screws up more,
whereas Edward is perfect mostly. Authors
seem to like to pair underage but almost of age
girls with older guys. Given E. is frozen at 17
physically but his mentality is much more
than 17. And D. is 7 years older than R. so
well, they seem to like the age gap.
Both guys are portrayed as amazing hot and
whatnot (duhh...) which is good. Haha.
I vote Dimitri though.

Females! They are definitely on opposite
ends of the galaxy. Bella is strong in character
but physique-wise she's pretty much a
damsel in distress. She attracts trouble, no
doubt. And has two gorgeous guys after her
constantly. She's mostly the good-girl type.
Good grades, sticks to the rules, down to earth.
She controls her temper well. Rose is a rebel.
Breaks all the rules, is a party girl.
Still she keeps her morals. Amazing
physique, very strong. However, mentally,
she's more unstable. She gets emotionally
affected and has a tendency to flare up.
She usually creates trouble. Constantly
has guys after her. Three serious ones
in the first 3 books. She stays adamant
on Dimitri though. They both have reallllyyy
different characters. Bella's more
matured. While Rose still does irrational
childish things. I like Rose better. Bella's
like too good to be true. I like someone
more imperfect. It's easier to relate too.
And I always liked rebels more.

Well, I'm more of a VAS fan as you can
see. Literary-wise, TS takes the cake,
but it's a little too slow for my liking.
Don't get me wrong I love the books
but after reading VAS, TS seems slow.
VAS is fast intense, adrenaline pulsing.
And mostly I need that. It serves as the
perfect escape. VAS provokes more
emotion. Yeah. I feel like I just did a
book review. Still if I had to review
any books. I'd review those.
Well, I'm done for tonight.

ramblings

2009-06-08T19:49:00.002+08:00

You know, if someone explained what infatuation
feels, then perhaps I'd understand
what real love might feel like. But if I went by
Rose Hathaway's definition then I could say
that I was/am in love. But I guess, we fall in
love all the time don't we? I want someone
who will listen, actually listen to all the
crazy things I come up with and not brush
them away as silly or ridiculous. Believe in me
because they know I believe in myself.
Sit by me and hold me just because they know
I need it. Don't ask questions when I do
something that doesn't make sense because
they know that I like doing things just because.
I suppose that's a lot to ask and my list is
hardly over. But I can dream. I guess the thing
that I'm the most scared about is not being
able to find this person ever. I'm scared of growing
old but I'm even MORE scared of growing old
alone. It wouldn't be so bad if I had someone
growing old with me.

Holiday updates

2009-06-05T23:35:00.003+08:00

I love the holidays.
No matter whether I have to study or not.
Or whether I have to wake up early
or late, doesn't matter.
I don't really like waking up late
actually. Makes me feels as if I wasted
time sleeping. Lol.
Anyway yes, holidays.
Brilliant time.
I finally got my two pairs of jeans altered,
haha. I've been delaying it for like more than 2 years
already. And along with the grey pair that
I just got. I changed my shoes from a 36 to a 37,
sigh, no matter what, one foot will feel strange,
since my right foot seems significantly
larger than my left one. I got a new desk chair!
HAHA. It's damn nice. Hmmm...
I just realised I haven't put the clean sheets on my bed.

Miow

2009-06-05T00:59:00.002+08:00

Alex Pettyfer.
Has just been added to my list
of favourite actors. HAHA.
He played Alex Rider in Stormbreaker
and Freddie in Wild Child.
Haha, I think he's really hot,
and handsome and everything. Haha.
Chris Pine is too!
Haha, But I still like Alex Pettyfer's
face more. Lol.
ANYWAY,

I'm going to school tomorrow.
To study and stuff.
(and I've been scheduled for chinese tuition LOL.)
Yeah, it's one now and I'll be up in 5 hours.
Yeah Zh better remember to call me.
Or I won't wake up.
Haha.

Inspired

2009-06-03T23:50:00.002+08:00

I'm inspired.
I think I'm gonna start writing.
AND for ONCE, my plot is something
I came up with entirely by myself.
Not picked from anywhere.
I thought about it just 5 min ago.
And I gotta write out the outline.
Or I'll forget.
And it's something I REALLY
don't want to forget.

Not the end.

2009-06-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

今天早上，我做了我的华文O水准考试。
虽然我很高兴因为我的痛苦终于结束了，
但我还不觉得轻松一点。我还是很怕。
很怕我不及格。我想哭。在星期六晚上，
我已经开始觉得要哭了。现在没什么
改变。

I just emo-ed in chinese. It's all true though.
I went shopping with Jiaxuan and Edlyn
after chinese 'O's. Edlyn got a bag and a top,
Jx got shoes and her maxi dress, and I got
shoes and jeans! All sale stuff. yeah.
The I went to watch Terminator Salvation
wit the UYGO, it was really good. Yeah.
I'm really tired now and I needa wake up to
go clean NP room tomorrow. Sighhh.

很怕

2009-05-31T22:57:00.000+08:00

我真得很怕。

怕死

2009-05-31T00:42:00.001+08:00

我很怕。我真的很怕。

Scared stiff

2009-05-31T00:30:00.002+08:00

Although I'd like to think that I feel fine,
to be honest,
I am very very very scared.
Very. Very.
I feel like I don't have any control.
And there's so much uncertainty.
I'm scared that I'll freeze, fall asleep,
not understand a thing, write crap,
misunderstand, have not enough time.
It's like one big nightmare.
I am scared. Very.
I don't want to be the first to fail.
I joke about it but I really don't.
I am scared. For once in my life,
I am very scared.

Limbo

2009-05-29T22:05:00.002+08:00

It seems like I've made a decision.
Although I really want to think that
I haven't made any concrete decisions
yet and I just want to see how things go.
I don't think I made actual relevant
decisions, I just make the big decision to
...Let things happen. I have to admit,
that's not usually the best decision.
Anyway, I'm still well, trying to think that
I'm in limbo. Makes me feel better.
Lol.

sad

2009-05-27T21:04:00.002+08:00

You know what I am?
Sad.

Sad sad sad.

SAD.

Miao

2009-05-26T21:42:00.002+08:00

Haha. I found that my dear juniors
read my blog on a regular basis.
Lol, I should have known, except that
I thought my blog had no readers.
Yeah, sad huh. I didn't really mind.
But now that I KNOW that there are
people reading it...hmmm.

Haha, if anyone's looking for a good
chinese tutor you should ask Zhuang Hua,
she only charges one packet of peach
tea per session. Haha. No, dream on,
I'm her only student. :D Lol.
And I will go and do the homework she
gave me after I type this.

Haha, I got a new craze!
BEAT BOX. Lol.

I wanna grow up but not grow old.

I decided to be nice and add the sec2s on facebook.
Lol. I want the restaurant city ingredients anyway.

I wonder how long my hair will be by the
time prom comes. Lemme see...6 more months!
On average how many cm will it grow?

Ok, I'll let it rest a this.

The End.

2009-05-23T18:06:00.003+08:00

I am an ex-cadet.
The depth of that statement has yet to hit me.
I think I must be the slowest.
Should have hit everyone else already.
I don't know if it'll really hit me for a while.
I can't think of life without my squadmates right now.
Without NP.
Taking attendence, giving water breaks,
commanding, conducting debrief has all become
as common to me as brushing my teeth,
eating lunch, something I hardly need
to think about before proceeding.
Doing drills, having PT, having squadtalks,
sleeping in tents, on the ground, have become
like daily occurrences to me, nothing out of the
ordinary.
The mass MSN conversations, the endless
discussions about the next training, the mass
messages about the coming session's attire.
All those I would miss even.
But I wouldn't miss all of those if my
squadmates were not a part of it.
The bond we share perhaps cannot compare
to any friendship I've known, no matter how
different we all are because we share that
similarity. All cadets. And I love them because
we might as well be as good as sisters.
We have had fights, arguments, disagreements,
times when we're just plain pissed off,
but that's ok. I don't know how I can properly
said how much I'll miss them in words,
but I know that of all the people in my life,
I will never forget them. One look at my full
u and all the memories will flow. I suppose I
might end up framing up my full u or something.
This has been a long experience that has
changed my life in many ways, no matter how
cliched that sounds, it has. And I have to agree
with Jiaxuan, NP is a drug. Who knows,
I might stay addicted forever.

Hmmm...

2009-05-22T01:24:00.002+08:00

I can't believe Kris Allen won.
Sighhh. Adamn's voice is sooo much better.
Haha, but it always seems like isn't it?
Like the person who got second seems to
sell more albums. David Archuleta, Clay Aiken...
Anyway, I think the only actual American Idols
who have managed to still be on the top charts
are Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson.
Everyone else has faded off into oblivion.
Lol. Anyway, American idol is getting a little
tiring though. Anyone watch Britain's Got Talent?
They REALLY have talent. Shaheen Jafargholi's
only 12 and he's got an amazing voice. You should
go watch his audition on youtube. It's crazy.
Absolutely crazy. He's got a better voice than most
American Idol participants. I'm serious. And then
there's Hollie Steel. 10 years old and even better
than Shaheen. Her's is an amazing audition as well.
Her voice is like off the charts. Ahhhh. Ok.

POP tomorrroowwww. Omgggg.

Saturday

2009-05-16T17:20:00.002+08:00

Today's been a pretty good day.
I woke up at 8.21am.
And I did chem. Since I decided not
to go for the extra lesson on moles
I did the worksheet.
I found that maybe, I may like moles.
Lol. And I woke up early to do work
anyway since I was going out later.
So around 1pm I met Ivan at PS and we
waited for Nick Neo, Glen, Justin, Seow,
Andrea and Geraldine. He thought Nick got
lost, but he just went to buy ljs. Yup then we
watched Star Trek. The stupid tickets were
10 bucks! But at least the movie was good,
or my 10 bucks would have totally been
not worth it. But Start Trek was damn good,
I never watched the series in my life but I
loved it. Yeah, going out in a bit, to my grandma's
house.

When believing in yourself goes too far.

2009-05-14T22:31:00.003+08:00

My dad did something that pissed me off,
again. I decided not to say anything to him
though, to see if he would tell me.
He didn't. He did it, knowing that I would hate
it, so of course he didn't tell me. He let me
find it out from my friends. Please, none of
my squadmates parents ever caused so much
trouble. Even though I have friends with
grades like mine. Does he ever think about
what effects it'll have on me? No, probably not.
He's probably the only person that can make
me angry nowadays, other than myself.
Adds to my stress. But I couldn't be bothered
to confront him about it since I'll be wasting
precious time and precious breath since I
never get my point across and we never come
to a conclusion anyway. I suppose he'd never
understand that I don't deserve special
treatment, everyone is there to deal with the
same shit. I shouldn't get priority. If he wants
to blame someone, blame me, not NP. I hate
having special treatment or being treated
differently, or not having to do something that
others have to. But you know what, my dad
LOVES that. Cause a scene, get free stuff.
Special treatment. Whatever. I hate that.
It's like who are you to deserve extra, you say
you're doing them a favor by pointing out
their mistakes, but please, why demand
for things that benefit YOU? It doesn't make
sense to me. Even my sis can see that.
It's annoying, embarrassing and totally not
helpful. You get happy because you got a
free pizza cos they look a little longer than
they should and you said you didn't want to pay.
Me? I wouldn't feel like eating anymore.
I hate the whole kicking up a fuss, creating a
scene thing. Does it make you feel better in the
end? It sure doesn't make me feel better, you
know why? Because you left someone upset,
stressed. And I can't live with that. I can't stand
hurting others. Like shouting and giving
ultimatums and threats. But you're the pro at
that aren't you? I think it's absolutely
unnecessary. Sure, it's fine to believe that your
beliefs are right but isn't there another way
to get your point across than the above mentioned
methods? Why do you have to scare everybody,
and make your own self pissed off in the
process? Kinda stupid if you ask me. I'd rather
use a method in which everyone still stays happy
including me, AND the problem is solved. Or
else, I don't think that it was worth it. And anyway,
who's to say you're right all the time anyway?
Maybe you're wrong sometimes? Ever thought of
that? And you don't give them a chance. What
if it that's person's first time at the job? Doesn't
he deserve a chance to make mistakes? Don't tell
me that you were PERFECT the moment you
started. That's utter crap. I don't think you think
about what the other person could be thinking.
And that sucks. You don't listen either. That's
why I wouldn't say this to your face because,
you won't be listening anyway.

Vampire Academy

2009-05-12T23:32:00.002+08:00

AHHHH. I HAVE JUST FALLEN IN LOVE
WITH A NEW SERIES OF BOOOKKSSS.
The Vampire Academy series. Ok ok, yes,
more vampire stuff. Reading fantasy is the
best, detaches you from the real world although,
in my case that might not always be the best
thing to do. There's still Frostbite, Shadow Kiss
and Blood Promise, which isn't out yet.
Omg. I want those books! I'm gonna search
for them.

Sigh, I realised though that reading romance
novels are really (BRILLIANT!) dangerous.
Lol. I think I'll be searching out all Vampire
novels now. I bet there are tons. And I'll end up
with bookshelves full of Vampire romance
novels. Terrible.

Before I found out that there were sequels to
Vampire Academy I WAS going to start
ranting about how could Rose NOT have
gotten together with Dimitri??? Ok, so she's
17 and he's 24, but who cares! I think it was damn
sad when he said "No. If I let myself love you, I won't
throw myself in front of her. I'll throw myself in front
of you." That was when he was explaining to Rose
what would happen if they were together and he
had to guard Lissa from a pack of Strigoi. Since they'd
both be there as her Guardians. Oh man! But I
noticed that books in a series tend to have brilliant
endings. Like after alllll the books you can't possibly
HAVE a sad ending right?? Precisely.

Sigh. I love romance novels. But they're going to be
the death of me.

Hmm

2009-05-04T23:59:00.001+08:00

Who needs boys when you have Jesse McCartney?
Really.

Oh well, I can dream can't I?

Fever

2009-05-02T22:30:00.003+08:00

It's been well, an interesting couple of days.
So, I was taking my English Paper 2 on thursday
morning. Around 11am maybe. And halfway
through, I suddenly get a headache.
The headache continues, gets worse,
makes me feel like fainting.
Then I start wondering if I have a fever.
I sit through an extra emath lesson on sets.
freeze my butt off, the room was really cold,
and nearly die because of the headache.
That ends, and I decide to go to the canteen
to study. I get there, I still feel like dying.
Zh makes me take my temperature. Zak
lends me her thermometer (ty!) and Zh
finds those thermometer covers in the NP
room. AND tada! Guess my temperature:
38.5 degrees. Mad? Yes. So I call home and
they tell me to take a cab so I do. And I go home
and I go and sleep I think. I can't remember.

Sigh. So I spent the whole of friday, sleeping,
waking up, sleeping, waking up. Taking medication.
Not eating much. Yeah, my tongue got sooo bland,
I couldn't taste the cough syrup. LOL. Anyway,
Yeah. I'm better today. Still tired though.
And I haven't gotten my appetite back. I ate
a pathetic amount for dinner. But I just
really had no desire to eat. Which is weird,
cos I love food. Oh well.

And I wonder, why do I always get sick when
I'm having exams? Argh. I hate me. I hate school.

Peace and Serenity.

2009-04-26T00:13:00.003+08:00

Today was one of those pretty good days.
But I'm sleepy. So I decided not to blog about
it yet. I need good photographs. Sigh. I keep
taking photos of everyone else. LOL. Well,
Just one thing to say though, I'd chose teenage
drama over adult drama any day. Comparing
politics between like church teens and that
whole Aware thing. I'd rather not grow up.
Seems like the older you get, the less forgiving
you become. In fact you become more petty,
more suspicious, more unreasonable. Look at
the way politicians quarrel and create big
deals out of a small matter or the way adults
always kick up a big fuss cos everyone thinks
that what they're doing is right. Sigh. I always
think their 'violent objections' to whatever
and the way they handle problems is really
unnecessarily fierce and oh well, you know
what I mean. And mostly, adults don't listen.
Well, I'd rather stay a teen then. Or maybe,
the generations are changing. Who knows?

Oh and Paris Hilton's My New BFF is the
weirdest show. She really seems bitchy in it.
Which can't be good for her right? And they've
got two male contestants, both gay. I don't think
that's really good to be publicizing either. What
with the whole homosexual problems nowadays,
it's better just to lay low. Hmmm...
You know what I'm yearning for right now?
Salmon. And potato salad. And those vegetables
that my mum cooks, which are heavenly.

Well, that's my cue. Time for bed.

Night study

2009-04-24T23:26:00.002+08:00

I stayed in school for night study today.
Kinda fun and really productive. I'm studying
for ss mid years currently, which is next week
Haha. So far, I've only covered globalization.
I made notes and read it on the bus ride back.
Lol. Had English prelim oral today. Haha,
english oral is fun. I love it. But somehow, my
voice always sounds trembly. Sigh. I love
night study. They should have it every night.
It gives me an extra 2 hours to study in school.
Cos it ends at 8.30pm. Not late but quite
enough I think. I can't exactly mug for that
long either. Hmmm, got lessons tomorrow morning.
Sigh. A math and Chemistry. Then I'll probably
come home and continue mugging. Oh wait, I
have tuition homework that I need to chiong.
Lol. It's too much to leave for sunday. So I'll
start tomorrow. Stress is making break out in
pimples. Sigh. And I honestly think I'll put on
weight during 'O's. Before mainly. Since I'll be
eating so much junk while studying and I keep
mugging so I won't be burning off calories either.
I think I needa keep track of myself. No chips :D
Oh well, I think I'll sleep. :D

Freakish

2009-04-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

I think juniors are weird.
Sec1s are the freakiest.
Like they are super excited looking all the time.
I think they haven't got over the excitement
that they're finally in secondary school lol.
I was probably like that, but oh well,
the saving grace is that it's only a phase...
Oh and someone PLEASE tell sec1s to type in
PROPER english. You know, like spelling every
word out and actually structuring sentences.
Cos I realised, reading paragraphs after
paragraphs of short forms 1: makes me feel
woozy. 2: It makes the person seem as if
they have no idea how to spell anything ever.
3: the whole post sounds retarded. 4: the person
sounds dumb. I wish someone told me that back
then. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like puking
every time I read my sec1 posts.

Yeah. Sec1s panic about everything.
Are excited about everything.
It's really kinda freaky.
Sec2s are still weird, though not as bad.
By the time you hit sec3, you're fine.
Unless your blouse to skirt ratio is still 20:80.
Lol. The accents are the worst.
You know, the bimbotic american accent.
That kind is realllyyyy scary.
Imagine trying to study on a bus while one
of these sits behind you and jabbers all the way.
Yes, pure nightmare.

Chinese prelim oral tomorrow.
I need to pass. So wish me luck, I need it.

It's late

2009-04-20T23:58:00.003+08:00

It's late.
Hands tick with warning,
Stumbling in the morning.
In the house all is still,
The only sounds are silence.
Steady breathing in the nursery,
The children slumber in peace,
The husband and wife warm,
Arms intertwined, they lie in tranquil,
The small room at the end,
Lights glow under the door,
She has not yet retreated to her bed,
Only 15 but carrying the world's stresses,
Furiously completing all that's assigned,
While the blankets beckon.

It's late,
She succumbs,
Tomorrow will be a new day.

Speech Day, NPAP

2009-04-20T01:05:00.003+08:00

Ok, this will be a quick one.
Yesterday was absolutely exhausting.
I woke up at 5.30am to iron both school uniform
AND full u. Then I gave Geraldine a lift and we
went to school for Speech Day, That was about 7.30am.
It ended at around 11.30am then we met at NP room
and went to tiong for lunch. Lol. BK again. I think I'm
gonna get fat, seriously. Wayyy too much fast
food. So we got back around around 2.30pm. And
had to chiong and change, take attendence, check
uniform and whatnot. Then off to HTA. HAHA
for my supposedly last NPAP. Supposedly. As a cadet.
Yeah. It was brilliant but a little sad cos quite a few
people fell out. including a CC. Yeah but the fancy drills
was AMAZING. Super coordinated and everything.
It flowed so well that it almost looked more like a dance.
It was damn good. Crescent should aim for that standard
really. Then on the bus ride back we were suppperrr high.
About everything possible. Mostly POP. We got back and
chionged to change. Then I grabbed my stuff and met my
parents outside school and went to my grandma's house,
which is in the east coast. LOL. I felt super disgusting
what with all the sweat and the humidity. AND I didn't get
home until 11+pm. LOL. AND I finally got to shower.
Felt super relieved. Lol, ok. I gotta sleep. School tomorrow
and it's late.

Updatessss

2009-04-17T00:48:00.002+08:00

Victoria is -_-" -_-" right now.
Yeah, I just read some sec1 cadets' blogs.
Kinda -_-" Some self-proclaimed, hide-from
ma'ams-when-I-see-them-so-don't-needa-greet
person. Please lah, we're not blind can.
We can see you from across the canteen.
Anyway, the sec2s corporal promo was today.
I'm not going to comment though, because
they might read this.

Yeah so only reached home
at 8.15 then I ate and showered and went to
the clubhouse to study. Beatrice and Glen are pure
madness. LOL. And we were begging Glen to
take us along when he goes to Rome at the end
of this year. AND he's gonna tour Europe. Stupid ass.
LOL. Haha, and we offered to help him move his
stuff out when he shifts to another apartment
in the estate temporarily to let his place get
renovated. It'll be super fun. And they didn't
chase us out today. We stayed until 11.20 then
walked back. I only reached home at 11.30 though,
cos we stopped at Glen's block to talk. But I managed
to kind of finish studying Electrolysis. Kinda.

Speech day is this saturday. So we, the sec4s, have
been required to attend. They say its got meaning and
blah but I think they just need an audience.
School gets out early tomorrow. 12.30! The best news
ever. I get to miss 2 and a half hours of normal lessons.
NPAP is saturday night. I might go. Might. Then I gotta
spend sunday cramming for all the stupid tests for next
week, like chem mock and whatnot. Sigh. I never studied
so much ever. Had lit test today. I wrote 6 paragraphs,
non-stop for 50 minutes. Quite happy, since I just
borrowed Dian's notes just before to memorise quotes.
That saved me.

Ok, I think I'll go sleep now.

Up dates

2009-04-15T00:29:00.003+08:00

Haha, I just spent two hours on the phone with Zh.
I was helping her with A maths and she was
helping me memorise for ss test tomorrow.
Lol. And we were discussing NP related stuff too.
Had First class drill badge on monday. FINALLY,
its over. I'm kinda relieved. I can only hope that I
passed. Yup. I suddenly feel inspired to polish my
boots. LOL. Anyway, Hmmm. Lots of stuff has
been happening lately, but I can't really remember
it. Too much happening in little bits and pieces.
Oh no. My full u hasn't been washed. Damn.
I need it on thursday. I just realised I'll be free on
thursdayyy. Like no promo, no squad to take.
Sounds brilliant, I'm looking forward to it.
Sigh, I've been doing some stupid things lately I think.

Haha, I met Justin and Glen on the 132 today while I
was on my way for tuition. Lol, they were going for tuition
too. So funny. And I paid Glen for my share of Lizzie's
present. They got her Build A Bear! Can you believe it.
Cos after everyone pooled in money it amounted to
about 70 bucks. And apparently, they spent 20 bucks
on a card that talked. Lol. Hilarious.
Argh, I'm craving for Macs now. I don't know why.
Well, that's my cue to sleep. Nights.

meow

2009-04-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

I can't imagine it.
I can only see myself in the previous situation.
In this, I find it hard.
I suppose you could say its because
I haven't yet decided to give it a chance.
And I admit that.
But I don't want to do what I did before.
No, I can't. And I think perhaps,
there'll be too much I'm putting at stake.
Funny though, how people are supporting
my decision, but I don't feel the satisfaction
or the happiness or the comfort from that.
It's not the fault of the people. I think that
it's just me. I guess I keep doing these stupid things.
And somehow, I feel better doing them
Damnit, wth is wrong with me.

insanity

2009-04-11T00:18:00.002+08:00

I torture myself.
Mentally, emotionally.
I don't want to let go.
Pure stupidity, some may call it.
My only defense is that I'm a girl.
Even then, it often doesn't apply.
Looks like I'm losing this battle aren't I?
Why do I watch romance movies
with extremely happy endings?
Because for two hours, I can pretend that's me.
I need what I can't get.
A terrible feeling of nothingness.
I don't know what to do.
I can't force you and I won't try.
I can only wish, so hard that it hurts.
I hate myself for all this.
But I can't, and I don't want to.
And I don't know if I've got it right.
I don't know if I"m handling this the best way.
And damnit, I miss you.
And I hate myself for that.
If I could be angry, and hate you for it,
it'd be so much easier.
But I can't, I can't.
I can't

And I wonder why they say what they say

2009-04-07T23:38:00.002+08:00

Someone help me please.
Every day I'm sinking deeper.
I don't know, I don't know.
I hate myself.
And I'm angry, with myself.
I'm not getting better.
I don't want to.
I don't want to let go.
I don't want to.
You know what happens when I start thinking?
I start wishing for things. It's so bad
that it hurts. It's even worse if I start remembering.
It's painful to even begin thinking.
But I can't help it. I really can't.
It plagues my mind.
Fills my existence.
And I feel like crying, destroying things,
But that isn't the worse of it.
It isn't.
And it gets worse every day.

The Duchess

2009-04-03T22:26:00.003+08:00

I just watched The Duchess.
Watched it online, and I didn't realise it was M18.
Lol. I knew it couldn't be PG13 but oh well.
I cried though. It was so so so so sad.
And it was a true story!
I don't like the ending though.
I think Giorgiana should have been with Charles Grey.
Anyway, it was a good movie.
Really, interesting.
Yeah, I recommend it (:

Paranoid

2009-03-31T22:15:00.002+08:00

Ok. I am officially paranoid.
Damnit. I gotta stop this.

A silent heart left in the dark.

2009-03-31T11:46:00.003+08:00

For two whole days.
I get nothing. Nothing.
I don't know if I'm supposed to take it as a hint.
Honestly, I don't want to.
because if it's a hint, and its true,
and what you said, is what you did,
then I don't know what's going to happen to me.
I can't bring myself to ignore you completely.
And even if I do, people are going to ask why.
Because as far as they know, I'm the only one that
doesn't have a problem with you so far,
so if I start ignoring you, they'll know something
major happened. And do you want me to tell them?
Do you? I don't really think you want me to.
But, I could, and you could be ruined forever.
This is considering what you said is what you did.

But I pray to God that it isn't like that.
Because, I will not only freak out,
I'll break down.
And I probably won't forgive you ever.

I feel like an idiot now.

Mess

2009-03-30T00:43:00.001+08:00

I don't know what you're thinking.
And I'm thinking, that maybe I don't want to.
And I'm confused.
And I don't like being confused.
It makes things complicated,
it messes up my brain.
Makes me think unnecessarily.
Makes me stressed, makes me depressed.
Argh. I hate you.

Melodies

2009-03-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

I can't think but to regret for not doing more.

A placating charade only for a false reassurance.

Once and twice a slip or else a secret kept.

mini

2009-03-25T22:53:00.003+08:00

I'm shopping! HAHA.
Or Liana's helping me to anyway.
I'm gonna buy two dresses.
For $51 in total. Brilliant. :D
Anyway, I wanna go shopping on saturday.
I want a pair of shoes.
Heels. really high ones.

Hmm. I forgot to eat lunch today.
I ate nothing in between breakfast and dinner.
And I didn't even feel hungry.
Must be because I ate too much the past
two days. My mum asked me if I was a camel.
Hmmm. Wonder if I'll be hungry tomorrow.
I feel like eating half of my total portion from now on.
Sigh, there's training tomorrow.
Sighh.

Update

2009-03-25T18:48:00.003+08:00

CTs ended today.
If I pass everything, it'll be good.
At least I know I'm getting somewhere.
After school I went to RJC for "tuition".
Yeah, this ex-crescentian, Stephanie is
tutoring me in physics.
It's kinda useful cos it narrows down the
stuff that I need to ask teachers.
And she explains stuff pretty well.
I found out that I don't know a lot of things.
And she told me a lot of stuff that made
a lot of things make sense. A lot of stuff
that I should have known a year ago.
Yeah, we're still on sec3 topics so far.
RJC is huge. But it's everything looks really cool.
Their houses are the RI and RGS ones
combined so each house is two words long.
That's pretty cool.
We were sitting in the RI part cos there were
less people. And the RI NP was having training.
Lol, if my cadets drills were like that, they'd be dead.
But kinda interesting to see how they conduct.
They can do rifle drills in their PT kit.
Which is just t-shirt and shorts.
And they were doing crunches and pumping in
the rain. Really interesting.

Anyway. I'm still sick. My voice is really terrible.
And I'm still talking so much.
It'll be worse tomorrow, cos I got training.
I can't even command. LOL. Edlyn's gonna
kill me. I wanna eat that Kinder Beuno
which is waiting for me in that fridge.
Damn. But it'd kill my throat so I can't.

When you start believing that your fantasies are true.

Brief

2009-03-25T00:01:00.003+08:00

I'm sick. Again.
Brilliant isn't it.
Right during CTs.
Of course, I'm always THAT lucky.
Unit Camp was fun. I was high on both
friday and saturday.
And I was a Zombie on Sunday.
I only slept 1 hour on saturday night.
I showered with cold water at 3.30am.
Haha. The best.
Well, debriefs seem to take forever.
Still, they're kinda fun.
Overall it was great.
And we did a GREAT JOB squadmates!
:D :D :D :D :D :D

I've been trying very hard not to think about things.
But I can't help it.
I really can't.
The things people say,
Other people's actions,
everything just brings it all back to plague my mind.
I feel like crap.
I'm going to screw up CTs.

Stop it.
Stop playing games with me.

hmmm

2009-03-19T19:43:00.002+08:00

Can you fall in love twice with the same person?

Heartache

2009-03-18T22:28:00.003+08:00

Talk to me damnit.

I am in a dilemma.
As usual.
I want to know something,
but, I'm guessing that knowing it,
wouldn't exactly put me at peace.
It wouldn't. Argh.
I don't even know if it'll make me feel better.
Damnit. My heart hurts.
Really. Oww.
everytime I think of that,
I forget to breathe regularly,
then I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate.
Is that normal?
Because it is constantly plaguing
my mind. Well, a few times a day anyway,
I tend to not breathe regularly a lot.
Which is bad right?
I know what's the cure though.
But I can't get it.
Unfortunately.

I feel like crap.
I wanna hit him.
Until I feel better.
Shout and scream and swear,
until I feel better.
Cos right now, and ever since,
I've never felt any better.
Although, I thought I would.
Apparently not.

The Notebook

2009-03-18T00:18:00.001+08:00

I can safely say that The Notebook is the most
beautiful movie ever. The actors and actresses
are brilliant. The story is beautiful.
It has a happy ending.
I guess I don't need much else to consider it
a beautiful movie.

love

2009-03-16T00:31:00.002+08:00

Love.
The most complicated word in the world.
I think every other word can be explained,
except this one.
But I guess I can say that I've been in love.
I think. But hey, you'd be thinking,
she's not even 16, how would she know
what's love? Well, maybe I don't.
But I just go with what I'm feeling,
and for just that once, it felt right.
Of course, people fall in and out of love don't they?
So that kind of love doesn't last until its
from the right one.

Right now I'd say love is like finding your other half.
Someone that completes you.
Someone who can look past your flaws and
love you all the same. Someone who loves you
because you're not perfect. Someone who can
make you laugh, but not cry. No, never cry.
Someone who'll remember all your favourite foods,
and can finish your sentences, and go shopping with
you, because he knows you like it when he's there.
Someone who is thinking of you, any moment,
any day. Someone who can sit with you for hours
and do nothing, because he's just enjoying the moments
together. Someone who will do things for you and
expect nothing in return. Someone who can be your
best friend.

But then, I think to myself, has anyone ever found
someone they've really been looking for?
That fits their perfect description of love?
Maybe, maybe not.
If there are, I hope I'm as lucky.
If there aren't, I hope I'm the first.

Thinking

2009-03-14T23:55:00.002+08:00

I don't think I'll ever get it right.
When I think too much,
I get it all wrong, seeing things so
much more complicated than they actually
are. Thinking things are true when actually,
they aren't. Thinking that things have hidden
meanings, when actually, there is nothing
behind the literal meaning.
And then I try to think less.
And then I miss out things which I should
have noticed. Become so blur that things
rush right past me and I don't even notice.
I forget things that I should have remembered,
Don't pay enough attention to something that
I should have.
And so now, when I'm faced with issues that
require thinking, I have absolutely no idea,
what to do next. Should I think or not?
I have no idea.
And it is most frustrating.

Wondering.

2009-03-13T23:21:00.001+08:00

I wonder about myself sometimes.

And I scare myself at the same time.

It's quite terrifying.

30-hour fast

2009-03-08T22:29:00.003+08:00

30 hour fast!!!
HAHA. I think it was a really interesting experience.
Not eating for 30 hours.
The P&W was kinda er... at times.
I think the dance steps damn weird can.
But it was still damn fun.
We started fasting at 11.30am on saturday
and finished at 6.30pm today.
By the time saturday evening came,
everyone went nuts.
High on nothing. Lol...
The best part was when lights out came.
Lights out was supposed to be 11.30pm.
And you know, almost everyone went to sleep
straight away! Like all the other people.
It was so early! Haha, but we didn't go to sleep.
Me, Pam, Geraldine, Andrea, Justin, Ivan, Glen and fred
huddled in a circle, like all lying on our stomachs.
And started talking. Cos interestingly enough,
for once guys and girls were all in the attic.
No separation. It was DAMN fun. The jokes that
came out were the best. Haha.
Lol, then apparently Kevin was sleepwalking?
And Pam started screaming about fractions in the middle of the night.
I shared a sleeping bag with Andrea and I think we
woke up about 50 times the entire night. LOL.
And on the second day we went to visit some old folks.
That was quite interesting.
And played games and had recon.
Haha. And Seow pulled down Kevin's pants cos it was the
only pullable one. Lol. During mass, me and Andrea couldn't keep awake.
Ivan totally knocked out. Haha.
After mass we had a catered dinner, buffet.
And the food disappeared in about 10 minutes.
Haha, I think we coped damn alot of muffins.
The we went to hang for a while at the playground near tp.
Then I got a lift home from Glen's parents.

I think 30-hour fast was brilliant overall.
I felt weird when I was eating today.
I just came back about half-an-hour ago from studying.
with Glen and Beatrice. Lol, I didn't do anything at all.
Ended up talking for like 2 hours.
But it felt great :D

Damnit, I just ate a sandwich.
I don't wanna go for tuitionnnn.

3 Bananas

2009-03-06T23:24:00.003+08:00

I just completed my second time of
I Am Gifted, So Are You.
Haha. I hope I feel inspired to study
all the way to 'O's

30 hour fast is tomorrow.
Haha, I'm kinda excited.

And I have no idea what to say.
More after the fast.

clubhouse

2009-03-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

I feel blessed! HAHA.
Cos I have lots of study groups.
Well, two anyway. And that's enough :D
I love study groups.
Considering I don't get anything done at home,
the amount I get down at study groups
exceeds it like crazy.
I think the clubhouse is gonna turn into my
second home soon.
I spent 6 hours there today studying.
Not alone obviously.
HAHA. There's this spot which we've named the
meeting point.
Cos from there. there are four paths.
Each lead off to one of our house's
Clockwise, it'll be Justin, Glen, me, Beatrice.
haha. It's really amusing.

I think 30-hour fast will be interesting.
Really absolutely no food for a full 30 hours.
I'll die in school on monday.
Haha, I might not survive training.
Then edlyn will kill me.
Hmmm, but you know, hunger keeps
me awake. Cos my stomach will hurt so I
can't sleep properly. Interesting.
Ahah. I feel high.

Weekending

2009-03-02T00:03:00.003+08:00

My sister laughs like a maniac.

How much weight can you lose in a week?

Anyway, the clubhouse is a brilliant hangout.
haha. I love it.

I'm going for the 30 hour fast!
I doubt I can do any homework that weekend.
I think I won't be eating for the entire 30 hours?
I realllyyy hope I don't faint.
The last time I did that was when I had dengue.
But that was longer. but I was sick so I wasn't
hungry. So I guess it doesn't count.

You know what I want now.
Baked pasta.
Damnit.

Cross Country day

2009-02-27T21:45:00.003+08:00

Today was awesome.
Cross country was well, haha rather uneventful.
It was what we did after that was fun.
HAHA. we had a clique reunion.
So it was just me, Andrea, Geraldine, Casandra,
Annie and Valencia. We went to Vivo and
watched New In Town. HAHA. It was okayyyy.
Kinda cliched plot but it was nice.
Haha. I wanted to watch Slumdog Millionare
buttttt, Geraldine watched it already so we couldn't
be unfair to her. Yeah.
Lol then we spent a lonnggg time wandering
around Vivo. Haha. I ALMOST bought a dress from
Forever 21. Me and Annie was trying to prevent
each other from going shopping. It was hilarious.
lol. So I took mrt back and I had to change to
red line at Dhoby Ghaut. Lol then when I was walking
to the jurong east side, I felt as if I knew someone
there. And I looked to my left and I saw Justin!
Lol. Damn funny. Yeah and we were taking
the exact same way back, obviously, so I had company.
Yay. Haha. What was EVEN funnier was that when
we walked out of Braddell mrt station we were on the road
and suddenly this car stopped beside us and Lizzie Kow
was inside! Lol. It was kinda scaryy. I don't usually
accidentally see so many people that I know.
Yeah. Haha this has been the most free-est day
that I've had since school started. :D

nana

2009-02-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

This is my first free night since school started.
I feel GREAT.
HAHA. Anyway, it's cross country tomorrow.
Which I'm not running, cos I got duty. lol.

Special week next week, meaning almost
no lessons at all. haha. I got put into group 1
for the enrichment courses thing.
Which is I Am Gifted So Are You. Lol.
They arranged us by academic results.
HAHA. I'm in the group of under-achievers.
Duhhh.

Omg, I love weekends.

Miow

2009-02-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

Oh no. I have no graph paper.
I can't do my physics homework. Damnit.

I'm gonna sleep.

I feel rejuvenated.

Kinda.

I wanna go and sit in church and
pray and listen to P&W songs. Yay.

I trusted you

2009-02-23T20:31:00.003+08:00

The full impact didn't come straight away.
In fact I didn't feel anything until I left.
But now that I think about it,
its a subtle form of betrayal.
I trusted you. To understand.
But I suppose, I shouldn't have.
The truth hurts, but its necessary.
I feel cheated.
Honestly, I didn't see it coming.
But I'm not innocent either. Of course not.

Is it wrong to want to see the best in people?
Because that's what I do.
I wouldn't form any impression
based on someone else's opinion.
Because I believe everyone deserves to
have a chance to show the best of themselves.
To be themselves and not have other's
impressions piled on even before the
friendship has formed.
But I suppose, these chances I give
have never benefited me in the end.
I guess some would call me stupid.
Crudely, it would be "See lah, I tell you already
you don't want to believe"
Oh well.

If I had one free day, or even just a free afternoon,
I'd go and sit in church and pray.
I think it need it.
To clear my mind, to make sense of the things
happening around me.

At this point of time,
I'm starting to question myself.
I think God gives me a lesson to learn in everything
that happens to me.
Hopefully I find out what it is this time.
To be honest, I've never encountered this before.

A thought

2009-02-23T00:32:00.002+08:00

Ignorance is bliss,
denial is a safe haven.

No wonder I haven't started crying yet.

I think my mind has shut it out.
Because when I think of it,
I just feel numb.

I could cry, I suppose.
But it wouldn't make me feel better.
No, it wouldn't

But I miss every moment.
And I want to forget it but remember it all the same.

Damnit, I wish it never happened.
Then I won't be need to look back and feel sad.
Or put myself in denial,
Or stop myself from crying,
Or try to pretend I'm not sad.

Damnit.
Damn you.

Unfathomable

2009-02-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

And as I wandered past oblivious souls,
a thought caught my mind,
an epiphany so empowering,
I could not deny it,
like I once could with such ease,
and I do not welcome it,
for why would I have attempted,
so greatly to keep it at bay,
if I should accept it now?
But now it proves to be prevalent,
an afterthought tugging at my heart,

I want you back.

Beatrice's sweet 16

2009-02-20T23:17:00.002+08:00

I just came back from Beatrice's sweet sixteen!
HAHA. Or what we managed to put together for it.
Haha six of us including her.
Me, Glen, Ivan, Justin, Andrea and the birthday girl
of course. Haha.
I pushed Ivan into the pool successfully.
Haha he DID want to swim.
And he got out of the pool and Andrea pushed him in
again.
Lol, we ended up at the slope near Justin's house
and started camwhoring.
Haha and failed! With a lot of shots.
But it was great.
The best way to end my week ever :D

School kinda sucks now,
I'm really feeling the pressure.
Like way more homework and tests and
ARGH annoyingggg. Homework
all the time. Most of the time I drop
dead before I manage to start.
And I'm so frustrated that I can't keep awake.
Because I can't finish my homework then
I have to chiong it in school and give lame
excuses that obviously the teachers don't
believe and if I tell them I can't keep awake to
finish they'll say its not a valid reason. But
it's the only reason I have and it's genuine.
It piles up and I get in trouble.
Well, I haven't gotten in trouble yet.
But I could. If the teachers don't feel like being nice.
I don't like A math lessons anymore. I miss
miss Chua. Mrs Tan is nice but its very very boring.
And she wonders WHY I fall asleep in her class.

Argh I wanna go comfort shopping.

school school

2009-02-17T22:27:00.002+08:00

Word for the day: annihilate

You know what's depressing?
Having my hair trimmed by 1 1/2 inches.
That's depressing.
But only because it took me SOOO long to grow it.
I look kinda kiddyish now. Sighhh.
It's still long bu not long enough.
It had a purpose though, my hair has been dropping.
Yes. even more depressing. The hairdresser
thinks that my roots are too weak so the weight
of my long hair was causing the accessive hair loss.
So I'm having some treatment to make my
hair healthy again so I can have my long long long
hair back. Yay. Apparently I don't sleep enough.
Well Duhhhh. Okay anyway.
TD day was on tuesday. Only had sweet potato to eat
so I felt starved by lunch.
I'm getting slck in my eating regime. Damnit.
I'm starting to write a new song (:
I think eyelash curlers are fascinating!

my phone is in badddd condition. Sigh.
I have recently acquired a pet plant. (:
omg and I got an A1 or my E math test!
FINALLY :D :D :D

cry

2009-02-15T00:55:00.003+08:00

I know what makes me cry,
It's kinda silly but I can't help myself,
It's not romantic movies,
Or weddings, or deathbed scenes,
But it tears at my heart,
And I have to look away,

Valentines Day, Crezawards

2009-02-14T23:14:00.004+08:00

SO SO.
CREZAWARDS OMGGGG.
It rocked beyond anything.
And I got no regrets in joining AT ALL.
Sui Generis didn't win ):
BUT its okayyyy.
We did great, I really think we did.
It was worth it to experience it with you guys.
I definitely think it'd be worse if we never
tried, cos then we'd always be wondering what if?
So I love you guys!!! SO SO muchhhh :D

Me and Liana (hahaha) got 1st for group vocals (:
HAHA. I was realllllyyyy surprisedddd.
I thought the others were pretty good y'know.
And I was dead tired when I got home but
I was thinking, that I could probably do this for life.
You know, perform and whatnot.
Cos even the tiredness after is a good kind of tiredness.
Like satisfactory and worth it.

Both me and Liana did the same stupid thing
before we showered. We pressed the button
with our PE attire on and got allll wet. LOL.
After the dance I had to run to go and change and
then go backstage again. Lol.
It was brilliant. I loved it.

Anyway, today is Valentines Day.
ANDDDD, I spent it byyyy,
enjoying that I'm single!!!
Lol.

I think that there's a side to me,
that no one really knows. Alot of my personality
is kinda inward. Like I don't voice out my
thoughts much. Which counts or something
because I do a lot of thinking. Yeah.

I need to stop eating unhealthy stuff.
Really.

I've got a headache suddenly.
Damnit, i forgot to ask Joshua something just now.

The day before

2009-02-12T21:40:00.002+08:00

Crezawards is tomorrow.
AHHHH.
Omg, I really really really hope that,
I DONT SCREW UP.
I wanna sing perfectly,
Play my guitar perfectly,
and dance perfectly.

I'll remember secondary school
for many things.
One of which, will be this.
I can add it to my list of,
Things I Never Thought I Would Do.
Yeah, in primary school,
I never sang, ever.
I only started singing like, in Sec2 maybe?

Haha, Valentines Day this saturday!
LOL, not like I've got a Valentine.
But haha, it's okay. I'll spend it with
my equally single girlfriends. :D
Haha, and we'll enjoy being single.

I got a ton of things to bring for tomorrow.
Two full sets of clothes, towel, soap,
, makeup, face paint, shoes,
plus the normal school stuff.
Need showering stuff cos we don't have time
to go home. LOL.
Yeah. Ok,
I think I'll go write out a checklist now.

I know what makes me cry