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我真得很怕。

Labels: life

我很怕。我真的很怕。

Labels: life

Although I'd like to think that I feel fine,
to be honest,
I am very very very scared.
Very. Very.
I feel like I don't have any control.
And there's so much uncertainty.
I'm scared that I'll freeze, fall asleep,
not understand a thing, write crap,
misunderstand, have not enough time.
It's like one big nightmare.
I am scared. Very.
I don't want to be the first to fail.
I joke about it but I really don't.
I am scared. For once in my life,
I am very scared.

Labels: life

It seems like I've made a decision.
Although I really want to think that
I haven't made any concrete decisions
yet and I just want to see how things go.
I don't think I made actual relevant
decisions, I just make the big decision to
...Let things happen. I have to admit,
that's not usually the best decision.
Anyway, I'm still well, trying to think that
I'm in limbo. Makes me feel better.
Lol.

Labels: life

You know what I am?
Sad.

Sad sad sad.

SAD.

Labels: life

Haha. I found that my dear juniors
read my blog on a regular basis.
Lol, I should have known, except that
I thought my blog had no readers.
Yeah, sad huh. I didn't really mind.
But now that I KNOW that there are
people reading it...hmmm.

Haha, if anyone's looking for a good
chinese tutor you should ask Zhuang Hua,
she only charges one packet of peach
tea per session. Haha. No, dream on,
I'm her only student. :D Lol.
And I will go and do the homework she
gave me after I type this.

Haha, I got a new craze!
BEAT BOX. Lol.

I wanna grow up but not grow old.

I decided to be nice and add the sec2s on facebook.
Lol. I want the restaurant city ingredients anyway.

I wonder how long my hair will be by the
time prom comes. Lemme see...6 more months!
On average how many cm will it grow?

Ok, I'll let it rest a this.

Labels: life

I am an ex-cadet.
The depth of that statement has yet to hit me.
I think I must be the slowest.
Should have hit everyone else already.
I don't know if it'll really hit me for a while.
I can't think of life without my squadmates right now.
Without NP.
Taking attendence, giving water breaks,
commanding, conducting debrief has all become
as common to me as brushing my teeth,
eating lunch, something I hardly need
to think about before proceeding.
Doing drills, having PT, having squadtalks,
sleeping in tents, on the ground, have become
like daily occurrences to me, nothing out of the
ordinary.
The mass MSN conversations, the endless
discussions about the next training, the mass
messages about the coming session's attire.
All those I would miss even.
But I wouldn't miss all of those if my
squadmates were not a part of it.
The bond we share perhaps cannot compare
to any friendship I've known, no matter how
different we all are because we share that
similarity. All cadets. And I love them because
we might as well be as good as sisters.
We have had fights, arguments, disagreements,
times when we're just plain pissed off,
but that's ok. I don't know how I can properly
said how much I'll miss them in words,
but I know that of all the people in my life,
I will never forget them. One look at my full
u and all the memories will flow. I suppose I
might end up framing up my full u or something.
This has been a long experience that has
changed my life in many ways, no matter how
cliched that sounds, it has. And I have to agree
with Jiaxuan, NP is a drug. Who knows,
I might stay addicted forever.

Labels: life

I can't believe Kris Allen won.
Sighhh. Adamn's voice is sooo much better.
Haha, but it always seems like isn't it?
Like the person who got second seems to
sell more albums. David Archuleta, Clay Aiken...
Anyway, I think the only actual American Idols
who have managed to still be on the top charts
are Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson.
Everyone else has faded off into oblivion.
Lol. Anyway, American idol is getting a little
tiring though. Anyone watch Britain's Got Talent?
They REALLY have talent. Shaheen Jafargholi's
only 12 and he's got an amazing voice. You should
go watch his audition on youtube. It's crazy.
Absolutely crazy. He's got a better voice than most
American Idol participants. I'm serious. And then
there's Hollie Steel. 10 years old and even better
than Shaheen. Her's is an amazing audition as well.
Her voice is like off the charts. Ahhhh. Ok.

POP tomorrroowwww. Omgggg.

Today's been a pretty good day.
I woke up at 8.21am.
And I did chem. Since I decided not
to go for the extra lesson on moles
I did the worksheet.
I found that maybe, I may like moles.
Lol. And I woke up early to do work
anyway since I was going out later.
So around 1pm I met Ivan at PS and we
waited for Nick Neo, Glen, Justin, Seow,
Andrea and Geraldine. He thought Nick got
lost, but he just went to buy ljs. Yup then we
watched Star Trek. The stupid tickets were
10 bucks! But at least the movie was good,
or my 10 bucks would have totally been
not worth it. But Start Trek was damn good,
I never watched the series in my life but I
loved it. Yeah, going out in a bit, to my grandma's
house.

Labels: life

My dad did something that pissed me off,
again. I decided not to say anything to him
though, to see if he would tell me.
He didn't. He did it, knowing that I would hate
it, so of course he didn't tell me. He let me
find it out from my friends. Please, none of
my squadmates parents ever caused so much
trouble. Even though I have friends with
grades like mine. Does he ever think about
what effects it'll have on me? No, probably not.
He's probably the only person that can make
me angry nowadays, other than myself.
Adds to my stress. But I couldn't be bothered
to confront him about it since I'll be wasting
precious time and precious breath since I
never get my point across and we never come
to a conclusion anyway. I suppose he'd never
understand that I don't deserve special
treatment, everyone is there to deal with the
same shit. I shouldn't get priority. If he wants
to blame someone, blame me, not NP. I hate
having special treatment or being treated
differently, or not having to do something that
others have to. But you know what, my dad
LOVES that. Cause a scene, get free stuff.
Special treatment. Whatever. I hate that.
It's like who are you to deserve extra, you say
you're doing them a favor by pointing out
their mistakes, but please, why demand
for things that benefit YOU? It doesn't make
sense to me. Even my sis can see that.
It's annoying, embarrassing and totally not
helpful. You get happy because you got a
free pizza cos they look a little longer than
they should and you said you didn't want to pay.
Me? I wouldn't feel like eating anymore.
I hate the whole kicking up a fuss, creating a
scene thing. Does it make you feel better in the
end? It sure doesn't make me feel better, you
know why? Because you left someone upset,
stressed. And I can't live with that. I can't stand
hurting others. Like shouting and giving
ultimatums and threats. But you're the pro at
that aren't you? I think it's absolutely
unnecessary. Sure, it's fine to believe that your
beliefs are right but isn't there another way
to get your point across than the above mentioned
methods? Why do you have to scare everybody,
and make your own self pissed off in the
process? Kinda stupid if you ask me. I'd rather
use a method in which everyone still stays happy
including me, AND the problem is solved. Or
else, I don't think that it was worth it. And anyway,
who's to say you're right all the time anyway?
Maybe you're wrong sometimes? Ever thought of
that? And you don't give them a chance. What
if it that's person's first time at the job? Doesn't
he deserve a chance to make mistakes? Don't tell
me that you were PERFECT the moment you
started. That's utter crap. I don't think you think
about what the other person could be thinking.
And that sucks. You don't listen either. That's
why I wouldn't say this to your face because,
you won't be listening anyway.

Labels: life

AHHHH. I HAVE JUST FALLEN IN LOVE
WITH A NEW SERIES OF BOOOKKSSS.
The Vampire Academy series. Ok ok, yes,
more vampire stuff. Reading fantasy is the
best, detaches you from the real world although,
in my case that might not always be the best
thing to do. There's still Frostbite, Shadow Kiss
and Blood Promise, which isn't out yet.
Omg. I want those books! I'm gonna search
for them.

Sigh, I realised though that reading romance
novels are really (BRILLIANT!) dangerous.
Lol. I think I'll be searching out all Vampire
novels now. I bet there are tons. And I'll end up
with bookshelves full of Vampire romance
novels. Terrible.

Before I found out that there were sequels to
Vampire Academy I WAS going to start
ranting about how could Rose NOT have
gotten together with Dimitri??? Ok, so she's
17 and he's 24, but who cares! I think it was damn
sad when he said "No. If I let myself love you, I won't
throw myself in front of her. I'll throw myself in front
of you." That was when he was explaining to Rose
what would happen if they were together and he
had to guard Lissa from a pack of Strigoi. Since they'd
both be there as her Guardians. Oh man! But I
noticed that books in a series tend to have brilliant
endings. Like after alllll the books you can't possibly
HAVE a sad ending right?? Precisely.

Sigh. I love romance novels. But they're going to be
the death of me.

Labels: life

Who needs boys when you have Jesse McCartney?
Really.

Oh well, I can dream can't I?

Labels: life

It's been well, an interesting couple of days.
So, I was taking my English Paper 2 on thursday
morning. Around 11am maybe. And halfway
through, I suddenly get a headache.
The headache continues, gets worse,
makes me feel like fainting.
Then I start wondering if I have a fever.
I sit through an extra emath lesson on sets.
freeze my butt off, the room was really cold,
and nearly die because of the headache.
That ends, and I decide to go to the canteen
to study. I get there, I still feel like dying.
Zh makes me take my temperature. Zak
lends me her thermometer (ty!) and Zh
finds those thermometer covers in the NP
room. AND tada! Guess my temperature:
38.5 degrees. Mad? Yes. So I call home and
they tell me to take a cab so I do. And I go home
and I go and sleep I think. I can't remember.

Sigh. So I spent the whole of friday, sleeping,
waking up, sleeping, waking up. Taking medication.
Not eating much. Yeah, my tongue got sooo bland,
I couldn't taste the cough syrup. LOL. Anyway,
Yeah. I'm better today. Still tired though.
And I haven't gotten my appetite back. I ate
a pathetic amount for dinner. But I just
really had no desire to eat. Which is weird,
cos I love food. Oh well.

And I wonder, why do I always get sick when
I'm having exams? Argh. I hate me. I hate school.

Labels: life

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