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VICTORIA Hannah Kirsten051093 Catholic Junior College life.sandprints@hotmail.com
English
Saturday, January 31, 2009 , 12:16:00 PM
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Regret.
The worst feeling ever. The fact that you knew that you could have: 1.done something you didn't 2.not done something you did 3.done more 4.done less 5.done way better than you did 6.pursued something you didn't 7.not tried so hard There are probably more, but I can't remember it now. Regret is probably on par with depression. Anger can't compare. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. I guess my head's too filled with math so I had to put english in. LOL. Yeah. Had extra A Math lesson this morning. Revision on Quadratic equations and inequalities. HAHA. I like that chapter. I think its fun. I don't ALWAYS know how to do everything. But I still like it. all the b2 - 4ac >/= 0 and the alpha, beta. Lol. Anyway. Yeah. Going out soon. Labels: life Niceties Friday, January 30, 2009 , 11:45:00 PM ↑
I think skipping school today benefited me.
I didn't pon ok. I have an MC. Lol. HAHA. Anyway yeah I just managed to clear my overdued A math homework. Still got other homework though. If I'm still awake I might do E math? But I got extra A math tomorrow morning. Sad huh? Gotta wake up early on saturday. Lol. 2 hour lesson some more. Oh welllll. And I'm still sick ): Haha. I'm freaking out about monday! Oh man! I want to know the audition results!!!! I'm going crazyyyy AHHHHH!!! I seriously have to preoccupy myself this weekend. Or I'll start thinking about it and freak myself out more. Considering my usually over-reactive imagination, I've done a very good job in not freaking out. Lol. I only LOOK calm. I'm really panicking inwardly. I always seem to express emotions inwardly. Hmmm, then that's not expressing is it? Dunno what you would call it. I think I should sleep. HAHA. I'm being inwardly high now. Since I don't have anyone to be high with, I can't exactly start going nuts and crazy by myself. Cos that's really weird. Hmmm, kinda sad huh? Yeah. No one to be high with meeee. Lol. I dunno what happened to my pink pencil ): The mechanical one ): The BENT mechanical one. ): Sigh, damn sad that its gone. Now I got no pencil and I'm using the small mechanical pencil which is attached to my compass. HAHA. That's good though, cos I'll always have a compass on me. Yay. Lol. Dunno what happened to my ruler either. AND my eraser. WAIITTTT a minute What was I doing that involved all this threeeee. I think they all got lost at the same time. Damn. You know my pencil box damn empty now. SO sadddd. Oh welllll. Labels: life Sick , 10:34:00 AM ↑
I didn't go to school today.
I got a fever and all. Well, right now I'm on medication so its better. But I'm freaking out. Really really freaking out. I really can't stand getting sick. Annoys the hell out of me. Like I just don't understand why why why people get sick. OK nevermind. It cripples me. Seriously. My schedule is SO tight all the time that when I get sick, it hiccups everything. Makes everything go haywire. I AM frustrated AND I'm freaking outtttt. I think I was having like a fever since wednesday and I didn't know. Brilliant isn't it? Argh. Labels: life Damn my head Wednesday, January 28, 2009 , 10:04:00 PM ↑
My head hurts so damn bad that I can't think.
I stared at an E math question for the longest time. And I had no idea what I was staring at, even though it was one of the easiest questions, that I've done before. I just took panadol, it might work. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but there's lit test. The thing is, I have PE and training tomorrow. Dunno if I can tahan. I don't have like an MC or anything. I just want to sleep the whole of tomorrow. I don't wanna go to school. How am I gonna run on friday? That I don't know either. Damn, I should have just skipped this week. Anyway, dance auditions were this afternoon. And I think we did great. :D Brilliant in fact, since we really haven't had that many practices. Yeah, I hope we get in you know. I think I might attempt my E math questions in a while, hmmm...how long does panadol take to take effect? My head really hurts. I feel like chopping it off. knife in my heart Tuesday, January 27, 2009 , 11:36:00 PM ↑
I think I might know why I want to cry.
I can't do anything about it. Labels: life me , 11:20:00 PM ↑
I suddenly feel like crying for no reason.
Maybe there is a reason but I don't know it. I got a damned sore throat. My throat hurts. And that means... Nevermind, I don't want to think about it. Makes me want to cry more. It is at times like this that I wish I had someone. Someone but not anyone. Sighh...but anyway I just realised how ironic and contradicting it is like... Ok, I don't feel like explaining. Damn you. You know how hard it is to forget? Someone just obliviate me please. I wish I had amnesia. I'd rather forget everything. Sacrifice my good memories to get rid of the bad ones. Or rather, the ones that I don't want to remember. I can never figure out why I made the decisions I did, only regret that I did because nothing good came out of it. I can't trust myself or anyone. As in for that situation. Argh. I'm talking rubbish. You know how they say its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? I disagree totally. I'd rather not live with the pain and the sadness and the memories. Ha, a lot of good it does me. Clogging up my brain. Forget it, I'm trying not to swallow. I feel like not eating anything tomorrow. I'm gonna pray for this damn sore throat to disappear by the time I wake up. Labels: life CNY , 12:56:00 AM ↑
So, CNY's over for me.
Probably won't be doing anymore visiting tomorrow. HAHA. I don't visit may places. Ysterday's reunion lunch and dinner was hilarious. I was high the whole day. HAHA. And omg, playing bluff with Gabriel is the most hilarious ever. Anyway, today me and my cousins, my dad's side, went for super early mass (7.30am) at carmelite, where all the hymns were sung in chinese! crazy, Lol. then we had our traditional CNY phototaking, then our traditional back to my grandma's house for breakfast of scrambled eggs, luncheon meat and bread. That's for the kids. The adults eat curry. HAHA. It's been like that in my family since forever. I have photographs of every CNY that I've been alive for. Then we left there and went to my other grandma's house, my mum's side. Ate lunch, zai (sp?) this vegetarian, mushroomy, thingy. HAHA. It's interesting. I don't mind it. Then took photos, also a tradition. Then we went home for a bit, Tessa came back with us, and I got high AGAIN. It's like impossible to not be high with Tessa. THEN we went off again to my half-great-grandmother's house. Haha, I have a 21 year old uncle. I think it's kinda funny. Anyway, then we went to my uncle's house, which I saw all my cousins on my dad's side AGAIN Haha. We went outside and played a whole lot of crazy stuff. Then we started playing whacko. But instead of having our own names we give ourselves fake names according to a theme. Once we were all japanese food. Lol. Then Gabriel keep being Ponyo. Lol, then we were thinking of planning another impromptu sleepover/operation like last year. BUT it didn't work. SAD. Oh well, we'll plan in advance for next year. I swear, I love my cousins. They are like brilliant to hangout with. You don't need to like bother about maluing yourself or acting stupid, (cos no one acts stupider than Gabriel anyway) LOL. Yeah, and you can really have a crazy lot of fun. ALL the time. Whether is eating, Playing cards (dai di, speed, bluff), xboxing, using fake guns to pretend we ARE Halo, it's all brilliant. Yeah, although our ages range from 4 - 17, it doesn't matter. HAHA. And the best is that they're family, And family lasts forever. (: I love CNY. HAHA. It's crazy. But I love it. And it's not because of the ang paos either. Labels: life Irrevocable Saturday, January 24, 2009 , 11:02:00 PM ↑
My head hurts again. Sighhhhh.
Hmmm, I didn't eat much meat today either. So this week is really quite majorly vege. Fish doesn't count as meat, yeah, I eat a lot of fish though. I'm sleepy actually. Lol...I can play the entire River Flows In You fluently now (: HAHA! My desk, is a mess. It's terrible. I hate it, but I am absolutely too lazy to pack it. My hair is still dropping at an alarming rate. So my mum bought some tonic for me to put in it. Unfortunately, it smells funny. You know the secret I blogged about a while a go? As in I said I had a secret? HAHA. I still have a secret. I think its really fun to have secrets. Anyway, I think I might sleep. Labels: life trampoline Friday, January 23, 2009 , 11:02:00 PM ↑
I slept for 50min on a trampoline.
It felt great. My 'C' ring is bent. I dunno why, I've still got a headache. I think I don't eat enough meat. But I don't want to eat chicken. And chicken is practically the only meat in school. I'm already the most vegetarian I can possibly be. I only eat meat during dinner. When my mum is the one that's cooking. Hmmm, I want to lose weight. The damn height and weight machine chopped 3cm of my height. I want to stop being so busy, I wanted to start mugging for 'O's. I wanna step down. It's seriously giving me nothing but stress. I think, I'll go and sleep now. Labels: life na na na na, na na na na , 8:57:00 PM ↑
So, I've got a headache, no surprises there.
still, I'm gonna try and do A math. Does cosx = 1 - sinx ? hmm, or is it only the square? Damn, I can't remember. It's freaking hot today. After a week of like abnormally cold temperatures for Singapore. It is hot. It was like 4 degrees lower 2 days ago. Anyway, looks like I might sleep with air-con today. My sister's shampoo makes my hair abnormally smooth. Hmmm... Damn, I just scratched my armnd bruised it. I still got that stupid blue-black from HRC. I have been vegetarian in school this entire week. Amazing. I think I haven't eaten any chicken this week! HAHA. Yay me. Oh oh, I had PE right, then Ms Ang wanted to see if we could do standing broad jump, like if we can pass or not or NAPFA. It's 182cm for an A for 15 year olds ok! Terrible. Yeah, anyway, I was expected myself to like not go over 160cm BUUTTT I jumped 180cm!!!! HAHA. I was freaking happy. Then Ms Ang asked me why I wasn't in a sports CCA. HAHA, Jasmine is worse lol. She jumped 210cm. Ms Ang was freaking shocked that she wasn't in netball or something. HAHA. Today was a fairly interesting day. I don't know why, but I'm really tired. Hmmm, must be because its friday. My body must ahve run out of adrenaline. I should do some research and find out if I'm always extraordinarily tired on fridays. That would mean that my body ahs been like holding out the ENTIRE week and because friday is just before the weekend, the adrenaline totally goes. Haha. I wanna go for SingFest this year! I dunno when it is yet, but I wanna go..... Yeah. And preferably with different company. I went with my dad and my sis last year. I wanna go with my friends this year. But, I've gotta save up. I don't think I can get myself a free ticket twice. HAHA. I feel like sleeping right now. Oh wow , 12:15:00 AM ↑
HAHA. I've survived three weeks of sec4!
LOL. It hasn't been too bad really. I don't think I flunked any tests so far. Maybe about B4s? HAHA. Well, it's chinese new year celebration tmr, Nothing special really. I think anyway. Yeahhh. I guess things have been really eventful considering we've only had school for 3 weeks. I am happy though. Well, as happy as I can possibly be. I'm quittteee on task with my work. With the exception of that damned commonwealth essay. Everything else is alright. I get matrices, kinda, and standard deviation's alright too. SPA's been fun. Lol. I think, I might be actually doing something different this year. Which is great. There is one downside though, I am so freaking tired when I get home. I was supposed to wake up at 3 this morning, to finish homework and study for A math test. But I didn't wake up until 5.30am. Which was obviously too late to do anything. And I AM pissed off with myself for not waking up, because if I did, I could have probably done better in the A math test. Damn, it's depressing. Anyhow, I just choreographed 3 counts of eight. HAHA. Yay me. I think it's quite alright. Since I've really never choreographed anything before. Yay yay. If I had my way, I would just be playing my guitar and the piano and doing dance and nothing else. THAT would be brilliant. I don't really care if I had to stress about those, I'd rather that than have to worry about the A math formulas and chem equations. Seriously, I'm really not a science girl. Pretty far from it really. I don't really like science. I can do math and humanities. But science, it's just not my thing. Sigh, I can't wait to be doing something that I want to. Lol. Well, I suppose. I better sleep. Tomorrow will be interesting. I really want to help her, but I really don't know how... You gotta love the weekends. Sunday, January 18, 2009 , 3:57:00 PM ↑
This has been one of my better weekends.
Yup. And I decided I should change my blogskin soon. It's getting boring. Lol. So. HRC! Omg. HRC is the best I swear. It's like the only fun-NP-ubin camp ever. And I think it's a perfect way to end ofF the series of NP-ubin camps that we get to attend. I feel really accompished after I managed to complete the Intermediate Ropes Course that I tried. It was really really no joke. Hanging 2 storeys in the air and having to cross a series of foothold thingys and butt-ons. Haha. And now I have the muscle aches and the bruises and blue-blacks to show for it (: Haha. But those don't matter. I'm happy that I did what I did. I'm semi-sunburned. So much for the tanning I did during the holidays to try and even out my tan. Lol. It's back to the old un-evenness again. We got to do flying-fox as well. It was about 7 storeys up. Crazy but THE best. We go down in pairs so I did with Andrea. Haha. We screamed all the way down. It was crazily fun!! HAHA. Talk about adrenaline rush. Then we did Tunnel Which is this long pitch black tunnel with twists and turns and a pit full of plastic balls. Haha. It's so dark that even when you open your eyes you can't see anything. It was DAMN funny cos just before the pit of balls is a slope that leads down to it. We went in in a group of five. Liana, Andrea, Me, Edlyn then Jiaxuan. So just when Andrea got into the pit she shouted. "SHIT! I lost my shoe!" And me end Edlyn started laughing like crazy. Cos Me Edlyn and Jiaxuan were stuck on the slope so Andrea could find her shoe. And we were slipping and laughing. And Andrea STILL couldn't find her shoe. Lol. Haha. In the end the CI outside had to find it for her. LOL. We laughed so hard that we cried. We went crazy. There are hundreds of photos, which I will be uploading on facebook shortly. And yeah, after HRC we were hiking out of ubin to the jetty We had to sing twinkle twinkle little star non-stop. Lol. I think it was more than twenty times. Then twelve of us went to eat dinner at Changi Village. Haha. Then I took a bus back with Geraldine and Andrea. A BUS BACK FROM CHANGI! 59. Can you imagine? I had a straight bus back to my house from changi. Lol. Yeah. So that was yesterday. This morning after mass We had to send Nicole to her friend's birthday party in Boat Quay. So Me, Vanessa and out parents ended up having lunch at a bar/restaurant called The Penny Back. I had Blackened Salmon. OMG. They do THE best salmon and THE best mash potatoes. It's like heavenly. And their pineapple juice is gorgeous too. Yeah. So that's been it so far for my weekend. Labels: life Sec4 Friday, January 16, 2009 , 9:36:00 PM ↑
HRC tomorrow.
Haha, last time in NPCC campsite ever. Still, I don't wanna wake up at 6am tomorrow!!! Hmmm...I thought I had a lot of things to blog about but now I can't remember. Honestly, my head hurts. I don't feel like thinking. I wanna sleep early and be a super awake nut tomorrow. But my WHOLE saturday will be gone! Damnit. I wanted to do homework too. There's a crazy amount. Lol, I wanna to do some but I was falling asleep even while playing guitar. I knew there was no hope of getting anything done. Hmmm. think think think. So the second week of school has ended. I always wondered if my sec3 teachers told my sec4 teachers about me. Since well, I'm not the conventional G1 student. I'm way below average. I mean teachers chat. And I'm sure I don't exactly fit in results-wise with the rest of the class. Not me only but we are like seriously majorly minority. Anyway, I like my sec4 teachers. Hmmm, English well, Miss Vanitha and Miss Ng I think I'd rather have neither. So equal A math, Miss Chua and Mrs Tan are both GREAT. Equal again E math, Mr Wong and Miss Ho. Miss Ho lah!!! Geez, she is SO much better. Haha, sec4 wins Physics... Miss Loo and Mr Tan. I think I like Mr Tan's teaching methods better. so sec4 wins again. Chem, same teacher. Geography...Miss Tan and Mr Chng... Miss Tan! Sec3 wins Lit, Miss Vicky and Mr M. both freakishly funny (: Chinese, still same teacher. SS... Mr Poon, Miss Chia. I think Mr Poon. So yeah, that's it. Haha. Note to self: don't think about kissing anyone in class. Panic Thursday, January 15, 2009 , 12:26:00 AM ↑
I totally didn't do anything today.
I don't really regret it I guess. Mostly I'm just numb. Anyway, There's 19 weeks to 'O' level chinese. I don't know what to do already. Everything else, is savable. Chinese is like. I dunno what to do lah. I don't wanna go for training tomorrow. I wanna study. Since saturday got HRC, means I won't be studying on saturday. Sunday is always crazy. I am so doomed. I'm just waiting to pass out man. Not pass out as in faint. Pass out as in P.O.P. Yeah. That will give me extra two days to study every week. Haha, that makes a world of difference (: I want that blue stripy top. school Tuesday, January 13, 2009 , 11:09:00 PM ↑
Ahah. I'm going nuts.
As usual. Haha. I had almost non stop lessons from 8am to 9pm today okkkk.... usual classes with break for recess. then 15 minute lunch then chinese intensive for two hours. Then chiong for tuition. Which ended at nine! OMG. I think my brains are burning out! Haha. Lol my even week timetable is weird! My PE is on thursday. I think thats damn weird. I dunno why. When's CNY? Oh 26 and 27... Hmmm. Oh man! AHHH! I just realised something! CNY is in Jan right?? Oh man! Wait... ... ... Ok... I've calmed downnnnn. I hope I didn't flunk E math today. AHH. I'm scared now. I realised!!! That I don't think i can polish my boots. Nevermind. I'll polish on friday! Now I'm gonna do my bao zhang bao dao like a good girl (: Thoughts Monday, January 12, 2009 , 10:35:00 PM ↑
The world is smaller than small.
So yeah, 'O' levels results out today. HAHA. Not mine lah. Elizabeth got 8 points. Joshua got 6! CRAZY RIGHT. OMG both of them did really well. I am freaking scared for myself right now. Half of me wants to go study crazy. The other half wants to give up. ANYWAY. Haha. I feel really really I dunno right now. Not depressed. I feel...argh nevermind. I wonder why I went to crescent sometimes. I wonder. Argh I want that blue stripy top. Haha! I have a secret!! Haha. I said that to torment all readers accept one. Who is involved in the secret! HAHA. Yeah. Evil me. At it again. Anyway, yeah. Damn I'm feeling freaking scared. Labels: life Week One Sunday, January 11, 2009 , 3:27:00 PM ↑
And so, the first week of school is over.
The last two days have been pretty exciting. Orientation campfire was brilliant. I think we did awesome. All of us, Fancy drills, Taekwondo and March past(: I was watching from near the flagpoles. It was great. Well, two months of preparation. I think it was worth it. Haha, and CCA day. Omg lah. I've never done anything more stupid in my life. Toy soldiers. Lol. But it was fun I guess. We spent 4 hours in ljs after. Meeting, AAR. After action review, if I'm not wrong. Unit stand down tomorrow. Haha. So we have a study date in school! (: I want to clean the NP room. It looks like a tornado blew through it. I can't find anything! Anyway, yeah. Went shopping today. Omg, horrible right. My wardrobe has really no space. I bought a top and shorts. I dunno what my wardrobe's gonna look like once everything has been ironed. All my clothes are squashed. School uniform takes up a hell lot of space too. I wanted to polish my boots. But my mum can't find the candle yet. I should have borrowed Zhuangy's They don't allow me polish boots in my bedroom! Argh. Sigh. I wanna polish. More exhuastion Thursday, January 8, 2009 , 11:53:00 PM ↑
I am really really exhausted.
Sighhh. Tomorrow's Dedication Ceremony. HAHA. I get to pin the badge on one sec1 girl from 1G1. Yeahhh. And then in the evening it's orientation campfire. Yup yup. March past rocks I tell you. HAHA. we did it with absolutely no screw ups today. Yay. I'm happy. I'm suddenly inspired to polish boots. But i don't dare to burn it by myself. As in, you know the method where you melt the kiwi or something. Zhuangy is the pro. Haha. My boots looked much better today. On tuesday during tuition break, me and geraldine went and bought 10 lighters for 90 cents. lol. Cos she needed it for polishing boots. Then I told her about how you can modify the lighters. So we went to try. Haha. I did it. lol. I modded 4 I think. But they are like spastic. Sometimes just got sparks then suddenly the fire damn huge. The pink lighter was the craziest. It's practically a flamethrower lah. Cos I was trying in the canteen. Omg. Freaking scary. yeah. Lol, Tessa came over just now. cos we were taking the same bus back then no one was at her house so she had no dinner. Lol. So she came over! HAHA. Damn crazy. But yeah it was fun. Sigh, I just want this week to be over. which it will be soon I guess. CCA day this sat. AH, more exhaustion. Walk Wednesday, January 7, 2009 , 10:17:00 PM ↑
But the red rose is set upon the floor...
I won't defend myself, if you ask me why I did what I did. I probably wouldn't want to tell you why, since it was really just for the thrill. But of course, that's not a reason to you. You'd think I was being cheeky. Would you rather I lied? I suppose you would. But since I walked myself into it. I'll walk myself out if I need to. Not because it made you unhappy. But because I was. Hmmm. hypothetical situation. It really didn't have anything to do with me. It just popped into my head, so I HAD to type it out. Anyway, two words: I'm exhausted. Labels: life school Monday, January 5, 2009 , 11:37:00 PM ↑
You know, my November phone bill was horrible.
like $107. Or something like that. I sent 1300+ messages and spent a freaking lot of minutes on the phone. And I thought I was using the house phone most of the time. So, I've resolved to make sure I'm absolutely cutting down. So if I don't reply you there are two simple reasons 1. I don't feel like it 2. It isn't urgent Yup. You know, I was walking home from the bus stop and there was that same crescent girl which I had noticed since last year also walking the same route as me and I was thinking, hmmm, wouldn't it be funny if I said 'hi'. A few minutes later...she said hi to me! HAHA. Talk about intuition. I won't repeat the entire conversation but I found out that she's sec2 this year, in 2C3, her name's Clarisse(sp?) in NCC ANDDDDD she was from marymount! I should have known lol, but I never thought of it. HAHA. Quite interesting. I think we're like the only 2 crescent girls in the whole estate man. I mean, this is my fourth year, I haven't seen anyone else. Yeah, omg, my fourth AND final year. DAMN. I'm sec4. My timetable's kinda wacky. I think the 10day timetable thing is weird. Oh well. Almost all my teachers are different from Last year. Only chem and chinese are the same. But I like all my teachers! SO far anyway. Geog teacher's kinda weird though. Lol. Omg, I gotta go iron my NP blouse. Labels: life The grey lining in a silver cloud. , 1:43:00 AM ↑
It's 1.45am. Its a school night.
I'm probably pushing it too far. But I guess, life can't get much worse, So I don't really care. When I hold a glass, I feel like smashing it. When I hold a hot iron, I feel like burning myself. When I hold a fork, I feel like stabbing my hand. Or course, I haven't done either of these. But I might one day, when I finally snap. The point would not be to end my life. But probably just feel the pain. I think I know why people cut. I wouldn't though, too obvious. It has to be an accident see. Something involuntary, so that, when you get caught, Well, it might not be as bad. I think I could probably not talk forever. As long as I can type it would be fine. As long as I can move, I can see, I can hear, I can cry. Because I realised, I'm very panicky. But when I panic, I panic silently. So one can really tell. But in my mind, a war's probably raging and the world goes by. It's all in my head. Ironic. I know that I say this every year but, I don't know if I'll survive this year. I keep saying it, because some day, it might come true. I don't know what people think of me, But I think, if people could read my mind, they'd go nuts. I'm angry at myself really. Again. When will this stop? My head hurts. I hate myself. And no one, can tell me otherwise. I'm tired of pouring out my sorrows to my friends. They're always there for me, and I'm grateful. But I guess, I've come to a point where cheering me up won't work, and comforting words don't comfort me. I'm beyond it. I don't know what that makes me. Hopeless? Labels: life Dream Thursday, January 1, 2009 , 9:52:00 AM ↑
I had the weirdest dream last night!
ok. It probably isn't one of the weirdest BUT its the first of its kind. Lol. In my mind anyway. Damn strange. Labels: life 2009: A New Year , 12:09:00 AM ↑
Its 2009!!
I can't believe it. I'm officially sec4. AHHHH!!!! I wish I could skip this part of my life. Anyway,New Year's resolutions! My favourite. In order of what comes to my mind first, NOT by importance. 1.Find love and happiness 2.Lose 3kg 3.Don't put on weight 4.Grow taller 5.Get 6 points and under for 'O's 6.Ok, too ambitious? At least under 10 points 7.Don't hand up homework late 8.Pass my first class drill badge 9.Save money! 10.Be involved as much as possible in church 11.Don't procrastinate 12. Don't fall asleep in class Ok. that's all that I can think of now. I can make more resolutions whenever. Haha, not that I can control whether I grow taller or not. Oh well. Happy New Year again! Labels: life Tagboard
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