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Decisions scare me. Badly.
And I never handle it well.
I don't think many people can tie
themselves into a big damned knot
every time they have to make a big
decision. You know what, I'm scared
to death about 'O' level results.
You know whats the worse kind of
big decision to make? The kind that
has only two options and the one
that you choose affects all the people
involved negatively. And you know
what, I just made one of those decisions.
And I am lost. People are angry with
me which is evoking, so far, no reaction
from me because it is absolutely new.
I'm not used to people being angry with
me, not this way. I'm not used to making
people sad or letting people down. So its
unintentional, but it doesn't change the
fact that I did. Its difficult to deal with.
People need me, but I need me. And I
need to stop talking. This isn't helping.
I need to go to church. Talk to God.
Kneel at a pew for an hour. I dunno.
Something.

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