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I am exhausted.
I've been out everday since tuesday,
except thursday. i spent wednesday,
friday, saturday and today shopping.
For the whole day. Yesterday was
an all-day birthday party and
thursday, I spent playing xbox, with a
couple of church people.

You know what, I don't want my
life to change. I don't want to have to
adapt to a JC, to make new friends.
I don't want to have to decide whether
or not I really want to become a CI
and go nuts because my brain can't
settle on one decision. I don't want to
explain myself anymore. I don't want
to have my way of thinking be ridiculed
by my own parents. Yes, its weird,
Yes you probably don't get why anyone
would think like that, but guess what,
I do.

I don't know what I want. Which is why
I can't and don't want to decide. It's like
being told to pick your meal before you've
even decided on a restaurant. Absolutely,
impossible.

This not helping, nothing is.

Everyone has answers to my every question,
but everyone is biased in some way or another.
NP people would want me to go back because
the CCA needs to be saved. My parents
probably don't want me back cos hey, its been
quite obvious that they've never agreed on
any choice I've made regarding NP ever. Zh
wants be to go back to accompany her?
I dunno.

I don't like it when people ask my own questions
back at me.

I've found the things I can't stand.
Repeating myself, explaining myself/ my actions.
Not getting answers.

When both sides are wearing the same armor,
how do you tell them apart? By listening to the
hearts that are in sync with yours.

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