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It's 1.45am. Its a school night.
I'm probably pushing it too far.
But I guess, life can't get much worse,
So I don't really care.

When I hold a glass, I feel like smashing it.
When I hold a hot iron, I feel like burning myself.
When I hold a fork, I feel like stabbing my hand.
Or course, I haven't done either of these.
But I might one day, when I finally snap.
The point would not be to end my life.
But probably just feel the pain.
I think I know why people cut.
I wouldn't though, too obvious.
It has to be an accident see.
Something involuntary, so that, when you get caught,
Well, it might not be as bad.
I think I could probably not talk forever.
As long as I can type it would be fine.
As long as I can move, I can see, I can hear, I can cry.
Because I realised, I'm very panicky.
But when I panic, I panic silently.
So one can really tell.
But in my mind, a war's probably raging and the world goes by.
It's all in my head.
Ironic.

I know that I say this every year but,
I don't know if I'll survive this year.
I keep saying it, because some day,
it might come true.
I don't know what people think of me,
But I think, if people could read my mind,
they'd go nuts.

I'm angry at myself really.
Again. When will this stop?
My head hurts.
I hate myself.
And no one, can tell me otherwise.
I'm tired of pouring out my sorrows to my friends.
They're always there for me, and I'm grateful.
But I guess, I've come to a point where cheering me up won't work,
and comforting words don't comfort me.
I'm beyond it.
I don't know what that makes me.
Hopeless?

Labels: life

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