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No, it's not simple.
When the two things in my life
that made me the most happy turned around
and slapped me in the face.
Destroyed.
Gone.
Finished.
Over.
Final.
Finality.
Have I ever said how much I hate those words.
Well, I do.
I don't want to be upset.
I don't want to be sad.
I don't want to be depressed.
I don't want to cry.
But I'm scared if I keep it in for too long
I might not be able to cope
when they finally overflow.
All this makes me want to shrink into a corner.
Not say another word until I die,
Withdraw from everything.
But I can't.
Of course not,
I'd be sent to a mental hospital
before I'm allowed to try a stunt like that.
I do more listening that talking these days.
I'm serious, I can hardly believe it either.
I'm too tired to talk.
To give explainations for why I've been
so out of it,
for why I look so tired,
for why I'm staring into space,
for why I look so sad,
for what I'm thinking about,
for what is troubling me,
for what I'm depressed about.
I don't need to explain anything to anyone,
except myself, and God.

I can't believe Survival Camp is on Friday.
I don't want to go.
I feel like just not going.
No explainations needed.

Labels: life

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